I always knew I was never going to be a professional bull fighter, but that's not why I did it.

Jeremy Grey

Voting kicks ass right! Cause, uh, if voting kicks ass, you got some kick ass shit!

Mike

Kid on Bus: What are you gonna do today, Napoleon?
Napoleon Dynamite: Whatever I feel like I wanna do. Gosh!

That's one small step for man! One giant... I have a dream!

Mike

Neushwender are you finished stirring that drink or is this some kind of fucking science experiment?

Governor Tracy

Mike: [dressed as security guard] Please move away from this vector and get into another coordinate pronto. There's no access for you in this quadrant.
Teen: Man, why don't you goose-step on down to the women and children over there and give them your little power trip, because they may be impressed by it, asshole!
Mike: Young man, I'm gonna twist off your head and spike it onto the floors of a nightmare you can't even imagine! I will dance with you inside the six-sided ring of fire, unless you move from this area, far and fast, NOW!

Steve: Hey Mike, 'I got dibs on top' Ha ha.
Mike: Shut up!
Steve: Ha ha ha ha ha.
Mike: Why don't you shut up?
Steve: Heh heh, 'Hello Washington'. Ha ha ha.
Mike: SHUT UP!

Mike: What the hell was that?
Steve: A chunk in the road or something.
Mike: I just chunked in my pants.

Governor Tracy: Now you'll have to tell me your name so I know who to make the check out to.
Clyde: My best friends call me Cash.

And so he says, "Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!"

Mike

Harry: So you got fired again, eh?
Lloyd: Oh yeah. They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, ya' know?
Harry: Yeah, well, I lost my job too.
Lloyd: Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.
Harry: No, none taken. You know what really chaps my ass though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog. The alarm alone cost me two hundred.
Lloyd: Hey, chicks love it. Its the shaggin' wagon.

Elwood: I'm gonna quit work first thing in the morning.
Jake: And how are you gonna get to work, Mr. Lead Foot, Mr. Hot Rod, Mr Motor Head? Those cops took your license away. They got your name, your address.
Elwood: No they don't got my address. I falsified my renewal. I put 1060 West Addison.
Jake: 1060 West Addison? That's Wrigley Field.

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