Billy Ray Valentine: You know, you can't just go around and shoot people in the kneecaps with a double-barrelled shotgun 'cause you pissed at 'em.
Louis Winthorpe III: Why not?
Billy Ray Valentine: 'Cause it's called assault with a deadly weapon, you get 20 years for that shit.
Louis Winthorpe III: Listen, do you have any better ideas?
Billy Ray Valentine: Yeah. You know, it occurs to me that the best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people.
Coleman: You have to admit, sir, you didn't like it yourself a bit.

Billy Ray Valentine: You can't go around shooting people in the kneecaps just because your pissed at them.
Louis Winthorpe III: Why not?

Coleman: Would you like a sip of whiskey?
Billy Ray Valentine: I do not drink, it is against my religion!
Coleman: Religion is a good thing I say, taken in moderation.

Louis: Looking good, Billy Ray!
Billy Ray: Feeling good, Louis!

Billy Ray: Merry New Year!
Beeks: That's "happy." In this country we say "Happy New Year."
Billy Ray: Oh, ho, ho, thank you for correcting my English which stinks!

Randolph Duke: Money isn't everything, Mortimer.
Mortimer Duke: Oh, grow up.
Randolph Duke: Mother always said you were greedy.
Mortimer Duke: She meant it as a compliment.

Jake: What are we doing here?
Elwood: You promised you'd visit the penguin the day you got out.
Jake: Yeah? So I lied to her.
Elwood: You can't lie to a nun. We got to go in and visit the penguin.
Jake: No... fucking... way.

Louis Winthorpe III: Think big, think positive, never show any sign of weakness. Always go for the throat. Buy low, sell high. Fear? That's the other guy's problem. Nothing you have ever experienced will prepare you for the absolute carnage you are about to witness. Super Bowl, World Series - they don't know what pressure is. In this building, it's either kill or be killed. You make no friends in the pits and you take no prisoners. One minute you're up half a million in soybeans and the next, boom, your kids don't go to college and they've repossessed your Bentley. Are you with me?
Billy Ray Valentine: Yeah, we got to kill the motherfuckers - we got to kill 'em!

He was wearing my Harvard tie. Can you believe it? My Harvard tie. Like oh, sure he went to Harvard.

Louis Winthorpe III

Did you drink and dial?

Jack

Ty Webb: You've got to win this hole.
Danny Noonan: I kinda thought winning wasn't important
Ty Webb: Me winning isn't. You do.
Danny Noonan: Great grammar.

Gloria Cleary: You're really talented.
Jeremy Grey: I can go on all day. Last week I made, to scale, a balloon model of Wrigley Field. I don't have anywhere to put it.
Gloria Cleary: I'll have a sports car.
Jeremy Grey: How about a dance?
Gloria Cleary: That's what I really wanted.

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