Popular Comedy Quotes
Big Black Guy: You beatin' 10 cops. How come I don't see no bruises on you?
Billy Ray Valentine: 'Cause I'm a karate man, see! And a karate man bruises on the inside! They don't show their weakness. But you don't know that because you're a big Barry White looking motherfucker!
[to Penelope] Those men wanted to have sex with me!Louis Winthorpe III
When I was growing up, if we wanted a Jacuzzi, we had to fart in the tub.Billy Ray
Billy Ray Valentine: What if I can't do this job, Coleman? What if I'm not what they expected?
Coleman: Just be yourself, sir. Whatever happens, they can't take that away from you.
Hey that's the motherf- I mean... that's the gentleman that had me busted.Billy Ray Valentine
[Ophelia notices Louis watching her undress] By the way, food and rent are not the only things around here that cost money, you sleep on the couch.Ophelia
Bet ya that chick's two tons of fun. You know, the grateful type?Jack
Evan Baxter: [Looks into rear view mirror, sees God sitting there] Aaaaagh! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!
God: Let it out, son. It's the beginning of wisdom.
Louis Winthorpe III: Randolph. Mortimer.
Mortimer Duke: Winthorpe, my boy, what have you got for us?
Louis Winthorpe III: Well, it's that time of the month again. Payroll checks for our employees, which require your signatures. And no forgetting to sign the big ones!
Mortimer Duke: We seem to be paying some of our employees an awful lot of money.
Louis Winthorpe III: [laughs] Can't get around the old minimum wage, Mortimer.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Without warning, I will attack you. In this way, I will keep you vigilant and alert.
[attacks Ponton, but Ponton hits Clouseau]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Good one.
Ponton: Thank you.
Who wants to have a pillow fight?Michael Newman
Uh, I don't know, I don't know. Um, it's a hard grape to grow, as you know. Right? It's uh, it's thin-skinned, temperamental, ripens early. It's, you know, it's not a survivor like Cabernet, which can just grow anywhere and uh, thrive even when it's neglected. No, Pinot needs constant care and attention. You know? And in fact it can only grow in these really specific, little, tucked away corners of the world. And, and only the most patient and nurturing of growers can do it, really. Only somebody who really takes the time to understand Pinot's potential can then coax it into its fullest expression. Then, I mean, oh its flavors, they're just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and... ancient on the planet.Miles Raymond