Popular Comedy Quotes
I'll be in the neighborhood later on, and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get some frozen yogurt, or perhaps a whole meal of food, if that would be agreeable. Damnit.Frank
Ha, your pig fiance is too late!Westley
Ed Rooney: Les jeux sont faits. Translation: the game is up. Your ass is mine.
Dignan: Here are just a few of the key ingredients: dynamite, pole vaulting, laughing gas, choppers - can you see how incredible this is going to be? - hang gliding, come on!
Kelly Robinson: Hey, what's this? It looks like a sock.
Alexander Scott: It's a secret spy mask.
[Kelly puts it on]
Kelly Robinson: Hey man, this is a sock!
[after Rosemary's weight crushed a chair]
Hal: Jesus Christ! What the hell's wrong with this chair? What's this shit made out of, anyway?
Restaurant Manager: Uhh... Steel.
The only good thing you ever did for the gals was get hit by that train!Penny Wharvey McGill
We have chosen your baby to be dressed as a Nazi Officer, pushing a wheelbarrow, with a Jewish baby, into an oven!BrÃ¼no
I sure was surprised the day Lisa Flanagan asked me for a ride home and ended up blowing me.Paul Metzler
Teen #1: Jay says you guys had a Star Wars themed wedding, and you tied the knot dressed as Storm Troopers.
Teen #2: Yeah, and he says you're the bitch and you're the butch.
Dante Hicks: I'm the BITCH?
Randal Graves: Well, if we were gay, that's certainly the way I'd see it.
Dante Hicks: Will you shut up!
Teen #1: Holy shit, dude. The honeymoon's over.
Joel Goodson: Some of the girls are wearing my mother's clothing.
Lana: What's wrong with that?
Joel Goodson: I just don't want to spend the rest of my life in analysis.
Nicholas Angel: [turning around to face a group of school children] Are there any questions?
Danny Butterman: [sitting at the back of a group of school children] Is it true that there's a point on a man's head where if you shoot it, it will blow up?