Nigel Boswell/Agent 006: Boswell. Nigel Boswell. 006. You know what that means?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Of course! It means you are one away from the big time.

French journalist: Inspector, do you know if the killer was a man or woman?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Well of course I know that! What else is there? A kitten?

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: What? What did you say?
Ponton: Nothing.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You mean, you didn't just say: Stop the car, dear God, I beg of you, stop the car?

When I first heard the name Clouseau, he was a little nothing. Just another police officer in a small village far from Paris. He was the village idiot, I think.

Chief Inspector Dreyfus

I had been nominated for the Medal of Honor. I have been so nominated seven times. I have never won. Still, seven times, that is something.

Chief Inspector Dreyfus

A Woman is like an artichoke, you must work hard to get to her heart.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau

[to the crowd] We certainly hope you all enjoy the show. And remember, people, that no matter who you are and what you do to live, thrive and survive, there are still some things that makes us all the same. You. Me. Them. Everybody. Everybody!

Elwood

You are Yuri the trainer who trains.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau

My miracle pill for the middle-aged man!

Inspector Jacques Clouseau

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I'll be honest with you. I - I find your accent quite funny. Where are you fvam?
Yuri: From Russia. Gluant recruited me from the Russian military gym.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [mocking him] "do-do-do-ba-ba-lo"
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You need to work on your accent.

Jack: If they want to drink Merlot, we're drinking Merlot.
Miles Raymond: No, if anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!

Officer Mount: I don't believe it. It's that shit box Dodge again!
Trooper Daniel: Those bastards are ours now!

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