Harry: [after a kiss] Soft lips.
Erica: I'm so glad they still work. I haven't used them for kissing in such a long time, more like for wearing lipstick... and whistling.

Angie Ostrowiski: [Kate is vogueing on the dance floor] Stop framing your face!
Kate Holbrook: I think it's good!
Angie Ostrowiski: It's not.

Morty: [standing at Ted's, Michael's dad's, grave] He was a good man. I'm sorry, Michael. I didn't want to take him.
Michael Newman: What?
Morty: Michael, I'm an angel.
Michael Newman: I thought angels were supposed to protect people.
Morty: I'm the Angel of Death.

Not at the table, Jose!

Alan Garner

Oh no, no! This better not be some kind of joke!


I wouldn't live with you if the world were flooded with piss and you lived in a tree!


Phil: Can I be serious with you with you for a minute?
Rita: I don't know. Can you?

[on sheets of poster board]
Mark: [on sheets of poster board] With any luck, by next year - I'll be going out with one of these girls.
[shows pictures of beautiful supermodels]
Mark: But for now, let me say - Without hope or agenda - Just because it's Christmas - And at Christmas you tell the truth - To me, you are perfect - And my wasted heart will love you - Until you look like this
[picture of a mummy]
Mark: Merry Christmas

Vinny Gambini: My clients were caught completely by surprise. They thought they were getting arrested for shoplifting a can of tuna.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: What are you telling me? That they plead not guilty?
Vinny Gambini: No. I'm just trying to explain.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: I don't want to hear explanations. The state of Alabama has a procedure. And that procedure is to have an arraignment. Are we clear on this?
Vinny Gambini: Yes, but there seems to be a great deal of confusion here. You see, my clients...
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Uh, Mr. Gambini?
[Motions for him to approach the bench]
Judge Chamberlain Haller: All I ask from you is a very simple answer to a very simple question. There are only two ways to answer it: guilty or not guilty.
Vinny Gambini: But your honor, my clients didn't do anything.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Once again, the communication process broken down. It appears to me that you want to skip the arraignment process, go directly to trial, skip that, and get a dismissal. Well, I'm not about to revamp the entire judicial process just because you find yourself in the unique position of defending clients who say they didn't do it.

Dewey Cox: Thank you, Elvis Presley!
Elvis Presley: [mumbles somthing incoherently and indecipherable, then leaves]
Dewey Cox: What the fuck was he talking about?

Bostun Webels, experience the heat. Buston Webels, catch the magik. Buston Webels, catch... who wites this?

Joe Kingman

I've always known I'll die alone.


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