Popular Comedy Quotes
Austin: How could you sleep with Fat Bastard?
Felicity Shagwell: I was just doing my duty, Austin. I had to.
Austin: No, I mean, literally, HOW could you do it? The man's so fat, the sheer mechanics of it are mind-boggling.
Scott: [on Jerry Springer show] How could you do this to me? On national television!
Dr. Evil: Well throw me a freakin' bone here, Scott.
Scott: Why did you run out on me?
Dr. Evil: Because you're not quite evil enough. [audience boos] It's true! It's true! You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil. Just one calorie, not evil enough.
Austin: Those are skin tight. How do you get into those pants baby?
Felicity Shagwell: You can start by buying me a drink.
Robin Swallows: Tell me, Mr. Powers. Do you swing?
Austin: Are you kidding, baby? I put the "grrrr" in swinger, baby! Yeah!
Felicity Shagwell: Austin Powers, I presume.
Austin: Powers by name, powers by reputation.
Felicity Shagwell: Felicity Shagwell, CIA. Shagwell by name, shag very well by reputation.
Austin: Oh, bee-have.
Felicity Shagwell: Not if I can help it.
Move over, Rover. This chick is taking over.Felicity Shagwell
Number Two: Why not use your knowledge of the future to play the stock markets? We could make trillions.
Dr. Evil: Why make a trillion when we could make... billions?
Scott: A trillion's more than a billion, numb nuts.
Dr. Evil: [deep voice] Austin, I'm your father.
Dr. Evil: No, not really. I can't back that up.
Austin: Right. Idiot, yes.
[to Felicity] Of course I'm not happy. Look at me, I'm a big fat slob. I've got bigger titties than you do. I've got more chins than a Chinese phonebook. I've not seen my willie in two years, which is long enough to declare it legally dead.Fat Bastard
Mini-me, you complete me.Dr. Evil
Mini Me, if I ever lost you I don't know what I would do. [pauses] I'd probably move on and get another clone but there would be a 15 minute period there where I would just be inconsolable.Dr. Evil
Dr. Evil: You see, I've turned the moon into what I like to call a "Death Star."
Dr. Evil: What?
Scott: Oh, nothing, Darth.
Dr. Evil: What did you call me?
Scott: [pretends to sneeze] Ripoff.
Dr. Evil: Bless you.