Deborah Clasky: So tell me again why I can't call him on his cell again?
Evelyn Norwich: Besides that he turned it off?
Deborah Clasky: Yeah.
Evelyn Norwich: Forty messages starts to look needy.

Melissa: You know what? I'm not even going to talk to you. Would you please leave.
Ace Ventura: Why? So you can beat him?
[talking about Melissa's dog]
Ace Ventura: Fatty.
Melissa: You're unbelievable. Hiring you was the biggest mistake I ever made.
Ace Ventura: Well, why don't you cry about it. Saddlebags.

I pledge allegiance... to the band... of Mr. Schneebly... and will not fight him... for creative control... and will defer to him on all issues related to the musical direction of the band.

Dewey Finn

God of Rock, thank you for this chance to kick ass. We are your humble servants. Please give us the power to blow people's minds with our high voltage rock. In your name we pray, Amen.

Dewey Finn

Marty DiBergi: "This tasteless cover is a good indication of the lack of musical invention within. The musical growth of this band cannot even be charted. They are treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality and bad poetry."
Nigel Tufnel: That's just nitpicking, isn't it?

God damn mescaline. Why the fuck can't they make it a little less pure?

Dr. Gonzo

I didn't know I could be this happy without incurring credit card debt!


Elinor Dashwood: Would you have him treat her even worse than Willoughby has treated you?
Marianne: No. But nor would I have him marry someone he does not love.

Damn! We're in a tight spot!

Ulysses Everett McGill

Burger Shack Employee: You guys might have wanted to stay away from our special sauce tonight. Me and Pookie, we added a secret ingredient. I'll give you a hint. It's semen.
[bursts out laughing]
Harold: [Smirks] Semen.
Burger Shack Employee: Animal semen.
[Harold and Kumar scream and drive off as fast as possible]

Mae: Mom, why do you always wear the high tops?
Daphne Wilder: I just got these, what's wrong with these?
Maggie: There just kinda depressing.
Milly: Mom for your 60th birthday we'll buy you something beautiful, something that grandma Moses would not wear.

Danny: Man, why do you bow for that guy?
Augie Farks: Because he's the king, and he rules the entire realm.
Danny: Oh he rules the entire realm? Oh my bad.
Danny: Is that when he is or isn't whacking it to The Sims?

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