Stan: Listen Mr. homeless man, if you don't wanna buy us the tickets and not get your ten bucks and not buy yourself a bottle of vodka, then be my guest.
Homeless man: Six tickets please!

Colonel Sandurz: Sir, do you think we're being too literal?
Dark Helmet: No you fool, we're following orders. We were told to comb the desert so we're combing it.

Yearbook Girl: Kenny Fisher, sign my yearbook.
Kenny Fisher: No, thanks. No time.
Yearbook Girl: Come on. Where's your school spirit? Go, Hot Dogs!
DJ Sammy: Bitch, get a life!

Earl Bassett: Stupid son-of-a-bitch, knocked itself cold!
Valentine McKee: Cold, my ass, he's dead! We killed it. We killed it! Fuck you!

Hey, dude, you really shouldn't drink and horse.


Templeton: You're a pig! Pig equals slop. The rat is happy!
Wilbur: My name's Wilbur! Do you have a name or is it just 'The Rat'?
Templeton: Did you say 'just the rat'? For your information, pig: The rat rules! We were here long before your kind and we'll be here long after. So, you just keep that in mind next time you feel like reducing me to just 'the rat'.
Wilbur: You called yourself 'The Rat'.
Templeton: I can call me that. You can't.

Move over, Rover. This chick is taking over.

Felicity Shagwell

Karen: I happen to LIKE the roller coaster, okay? As far as I'm concerned, your grandmother is brilliant.
Gil: Yeah if she's so brilliant why is she sitting in our NEIGHBOR'S CAR?

Trent: Baby, that was money! Tell me that wasn't money.
Mike: That was so demeaning.
Trent: She smiled, baby.
Mike: I can't believe what an asshole you are.
Trent: Did she, or did she not smile.
Mike: She was smiling at what an asshole you are.
Trent: She was smiling at how money I am, baby.

Droz: Ladies and gentlemen, I think it's time to revive an ancient tradition we seem to have long forgotten.
Cecilia: They confiscated the altar, Droz.
Droz: No, I'm not talking about human sacrifice, Ceel. I'm talking about something we used to do every Saturday night as a matter of principle. Here's a hint. Legions of hand-stamped meatheads... in coed naked lacrosse T-shirts... power-chugging watered-down Meisterchau... regurgitating on the glue-matted floors.
Mullaney: Kiln-like temperatures, fights with townies... lines of drunken people waiting for the bathroom.
Katy: Wait a second. You guys are talking about a party.
Droz: Ding-ding-ding. Gutter, tell her what's she's won.

Dusty Bottoms: Time for plan B. Plan A was to break into El Guapo's fortress.
Carmen: And that you have done, now what?
Dusty Bottoms: Well we really dont have a plan B. We didn't expect for the first plan to work. Sometimes you can overplan these things.

Wayne Davidson: My name's Wayne by the way. I'm a nudist.
George: Oh yes, we noticed your penis earlier.

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