Popular Comedy Quotes
I wish my momma bought me some bling-bling.Venetia
I don't have to take this abuse from you, I've got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.Dr. Peter Venkman
There's a saying in Missouri, if you don't like the weather just wait five minutes. In Blaine, with hard work, I think we can get that down to three or four minutes.Glenn Welsch, Mayor
Ricky Lipman: I am *not* going to let you hurt Janey again. Okay? Besides, I love her.
Jake: Well, so do I.
Ricky Lipman: [slight pause] Yes, but I'm the best friend, and I have been in front of her face the whole time, and she just... hasn't really realized it yet, but she will.
Jake: Well, I'm the reformed cool guy, who's learned the error of his ways. She's gonna forgive me for my mistakes, and realize that I really love her.
Ricky Lipman: [pause] Dammit, that's true.
Convincing a town to approve something that's already in their best interest, that's just delayed common sense!Ollie
You sunk my battleship!Grim Reaper
Andrew Largeman: I think we've corrupted this innocent girl enough for one day!
Sam: I'm not innocent.
Andrew Largeman: Yes, you are! That's what I like about you, okay? And I don't want this guy taking you to some sketchy quarry in the middle of Newark to find crack whores huffing turpentine or pit bulls raping each other or whatever else is down here!
You're squeezing your boobies out!Corky St. Clair
Charles: Ehm, look. Sorry, sorry. I just, ehm, well, this is a very stupid question and... , particularly in view of our recent shopping excursion, but I just wondered, by any chance, ehm, eh, I mean obviously not because I guess I've only slept with 9 people, but-but I-I just wondered... ehh. I really feel, ehh, in short, to recap it slightly in a clearer version, eh, the words of David Cassidy in fact, eh, while he was still with the Partridge family, eh, "I think I love you," and eh, I-I just wondered by any chance you wouldn't like to... Eh... Eh... No, no, no of course not... I'm an idiot, he's not... Excellent, excellent, fantastic, eh, I was gonna say lovely to see you, sorry to disturb... Better get on...
Carrie: That was very romantic.
Charles: Well, I thought it over a lot, you know, I wanted to get it just right.
Mr. Lumbergh told me to talk to payroll and payroll told me to talk to Mr. Lumbergh and I still have not received my paycheck and they moved my desk to storage room B and there was... garbage on it.Milton Waddams
Brandi: Second suitor: if we were making whoopee, what sounds would you make?
Brodie: Wait, what's whoopee?
Brandi: You know, being intimate.
Brodie: What? Like fucking?
Crying Drunk Girl: Thush bezt tea weveram sisu gizem chext ear!
[subtitled translation: This is the best party ever! I'm so gonna miss you guys next year!]
[she trows her arms around them and stumbles off]
Preston: There's one at every party.
Denise: Kind of makes you never want to drink, huh?