Popular Comedy Quotes
Hello Sam Sparks, I'm America!Sam Sparks
Hi peter, I saw your billboards, they're spectacular. I'm sorry for calling you a whore. Best of luck with Sydney, if you're not still together... you can Facebook me.Doug
Harry Burns: There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.
Sally Albright: Which one am I?
Harry Burns: You're the worst kind. You're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.
I could go over to your mama's and light a small fire in her panties!Drake
I couldn't believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn't know my name.Ted
I think I just came... didn't you feel it?Mike Damone
I used to use this little gun when I was a prostitute.Red
Pat: What the fuck? I'm married!
Tiffany: So am I!
Pat: What the fuck are you doing, your husband's dead!
Tiffany: Where's your wife?
Pat: You're crazy!
Tiffany: I'm not the one who just got out of that hospital in Baltimore.
Pat: And I'm not the big slut!... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry.
Tiffany: I was a big slut, but I'm not any more. There's always going to be a part of me that's sloppy and dirty, but I like that. With all the other parts of myself. Can you say the same about yourself fucker? Can you forgive? Are you any good at that?
Old Farm Lady: If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
Billy Madison: OOH. That is the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life. Let's Go.
If the pigs were gathering in Vegas, I felt the drug culture should be represented as well. And there was a certain bent appeal in the notion of running a savage burn on one Las Vegas hotel, and then just wheeling across town and checking into another. Me and a thousand ranking cops from all over America. Why not? Move confidently into their midst.Raoul Duke
Jimi Hendrix deceased, drugs. Janis Joplin deceased, alcohol. Mama Cass deceased, ham sandwich.Austin Powers
Josh: Look, I'm just curious. How many hours a day do you spend grooming yourself?
Cher: Some people are not lucky enough to be as naturally adorable as you are.
Josh: Stop it, you're making me blush.