Popular Comedy Quotes
Eli: Okay, you know what the three of us are? We're a tripod.
Matt: A tripod?
Eli: Yes, a tripod. Which means that if you knock out one of our legs... WE. ALL. FALL!
Cal: [Pointing to an action figure on a shelf] Is that the Six Million Dollar Man's boss?
Andy Stitzer: That's Oscar Goldman.
Cal: Why do you have that?
Andy Stitzer: That's worth a lot of money. That's much more valuable than Steve Austin.
Pork away pal. Fuck her blue.Otto
J.D.: [bringing a box of videos to Judith] Hey, I brought you some more videos. You've got your choice: porno's or monster trucks. Oh, and I got one that's both.
Dana Barrett: [reading from the printout] "Zuul was the minion of Gozer." What's Gozer?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Gozer was very big in Sumeria.
Dana Barrett: Well, what's he doing in my ice box?
Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm working on that.
Remember what the MPAA says; Horrific, Deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty woids! That's what this war is all about!Sheila Broflovski
She-lika-da-way your dick taste!Jonah
So, I'm tendin' bar there at Ecklund and Swedlin's last Tuesday and this little guy's drinkin' and he says, "So where can a guy find some action? I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake." And I says, "What kinda action?" and he says, "Woman action, what do I look like?" And I says, "Well, what do I look like, I don't arrange that kinda thing," and he says, "I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake," and I says, "Well, this ain't that kinda place."Mr. Mohra
So, Lord Helmet, at last we meet again for the first time for the last time.Lone Starr
So okay, I don't want to be a traitor to my generation and all but I don't get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair - ew - and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we're expected to swoon? I don't think so.Cher Horowitz
The Donkey: So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?
Shrek: Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.
The Donkey: Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there?
Shrek: That's the moon.
The Donkey: Oh, okay.
So... you guys wanna make out or what?Doug Butabi