Popular Comedy Quotes
I am angry. I mean I am spitting angry. I'm like a tornado of anger, swirling about.Phil Weston
I was told that I could listen to the radio at a reasonable volume from 9-11, I told bill that if Sandra is going to listen to her headphones while she's filing then I should be able to listen to the radio while I'm collating so I don't see why I should have to turn down the radio because I enjoy listening at a reasonable volume from nine to eleven.Milton Waddams
It's so beautiful!... Let's live here. [he kisses Rita] We'll rent, to start.Phil
Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.Frank Drebin
Vincent Benedict: Through the lips, over the gums...
Julius Benedict: Look out stomach! Here it comes!
Judge Smails: Oh Porterhouse, look at the wax build up on these shoes I want that wax stripped off there, then I want them creamed and buffed with a fine chamois, and I want them now. Chop chop.
Smoke Porterhouse: Yes judge, right away judge.
Jake Taylor: That ball wouldn't have been out of a lot of parks.
Rick Vaughn: Name one.
Jake Taylor: Yellowstone?
We're the 3 best friends that anybody could have.Alan [singing]
We're the 3 best friends that anyone could have, we're the 3 best friends that anyone can have and we'll never never ever ever ever leave each other."
I'd do it again you know? Us, you, me the kids, all of it. I'd do it again. I'd choose you every time.Phil Foster
Rabbit: [lifting soap out of coffee] Oh, look, a bar of soap.
Farva: Oohoohoh shit. I got you good, you fucker!
Mac: Awesome prank, Farva.
Farva: Better'n the crap you pull, Mac.
Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I lurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes I have to invent, of course I - I do, don't you think I do?Alvy Singer
Jess: Marriages don't break up on account of infidelity. It's just a symptom that something else is wrong.
Harry Burns: Oh really? Well, that "symptom" is fucking my wife.