Popular Comedy Quotes
What are you telling me, that you're, you're, you're gonna leave Emily, is this true? And, and run away with the, the, the winner of the Zelda Fitzgerald emotional maturity award?Isaac Davis
Royal: Are you trying to steal my woman?
Henry Sherman: I beg your pardon.
Royal: You heard me, Coltrane.
Henry Sherman: Coltrane?
Henry Sherman: Did you just call me Coltrane?
Henry Sherman: You didn't?
Henry Sherman: Okay...
Pitka: I would like to thank the academy. Wow, these things are heavy... yeah.
Coach Cherkov: Put me down, Jackass!
Viola De Lesseps: Master Shakespeare?
William Shakespeare: The same, alas.
Viola De Lesseps: Oh, but why "alas"?
William Shakespeare: A lowly player.
Viola De Lesseps: Alas indeed, for I thought you the highest poet of my esteem and writer of plays that capture my heart.
William Shakespeare: Oh - I am him too!
Norm: The place is surging with girls.
John: Please, sir, sir, can I have one to surge me, sir, please, sir?
Norm: No, you can't!
I am gonna get me some rat!Brooks
King Dingaling.Mike Lowrey
[to Val] Well, thanks for everything, you know, saving my life and stuff.Rhonda LeBeck
Bart: Sun even shines on a dog's ass some days.
Greenie: You gettin' a dog?
Mayor: Now Drebin, I don't want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that's my policy.
Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that's my policy.
Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!
Angie Ostrowiski: Is that what you're wearing?
Kate Holbrook: We *are* going to a nightclub.
Royal: What the hell kind of way to act is that?
Richie: He's on drugs.