Popular Comedy Quotes
Royal: Are you trying to steal my woman?
Henry Sherman: I beg your pardon.
Royal: You heard me, Coltrane.
Henry Sherman: Coltrane?
Henry Sherman: Did you just call me Coltrane?
Henry Sherman: You didn't?
Henry Sherman: Okay...
Eli: You never even gave me the time of day till I started getting good reviews.
Margot: Your reviews weren't that good.
Eli: But the sales are.
Eli: Did I hit the dog?
Eli: Is he dead?
Eli: I need help.
Henry Sherman: How much is he paying you?
Pagoda: I don't know what you're talking about.
You wanna talk some jive? I'll talk some jive. I'll talk some jive like you've never heard!Royal
[after learning from an investigator that Margot had been previously married and has had affairs with both men and women] So, she smokes.Raleigh
I didn't think so much of him at first. But now I get it, he's everything that I'm not.Royal
Richie: I wrote a suicide note.
Chas: You did?
Richie: Yeah, right after I regained consciousness.
Chas: I've had a rough year, dad.
Royal: I know you have, Chassie.
Hell of a damn grave. Wish it were mine.Royal
[Telling everybody that Royal doesn't have cancer] I know what stomach cancer looks like. I've seen it, and you don't eat three cheeseburgers a day with french fries when you got it.Henry Sherman
Chas: Are you okay?
Royal: Fuck do you care?