Popular Comedy Quotes
Elizabeth Imbrie: What's this room? I've forgotten my compass.
Macaulay Connor: I'd say, south-by-southwest parlor-by-living-room.
Jeff Spicoli: Where'd you get this jacket?
Stu Nahan: I got this from the network. Let me ask you, what's next for Jeff Spicoli?
Gwen: I'm doing a human interest piece... on you.
Van Wilder: I'm flattered, I'd love for your piece to be on me.
[looks up at the ceiling and sighs]
Van Wilder: ... But sadly I don't do interviews, never have, never will. Do lunch though.
Harold: I want that.
Kumar: What? A Hot Dog Heaven super chili cheese dog?
Harold: No. I want that feeling. The feeling that comes over a man when he gets exactly what he desires. I need that feeling!
Kumar: Are you saying what I think you're saying?
Harold: We gotta go to White Castle.
Kumar: YES! YES! I knew you had it in you dude!
I'm telling you, that chick is probably a bigger germ farm than that monkey in Outbreak.Banky Edwards
Max Fischer: I like your nurse's uniform, guy.
Dr. Peter Flynn: These are O.R. scrubs.
Max Fischer: O, R they?
Rufus T. Firefly: Not that I care, but where is your husband?
Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead.
Rufus T. Firefly: I bet he's just using that as an excuse.
Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end.
Rufus T. Firefly: No wonder he passed away.
Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him.
Rufus T. Firefly: Oh, I see, then it was murder. Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first.
Vinny Gambini: How many fingers am I holding up?
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Let the record show that counselor is holding up two fingers.
Vinny Gambini: Your Honor, please!
Nathan, Jr., accepts me for what I am! And I think you better had, too! You know I'm okay, you're okay! That there's what it is!H.I.
[singing at an old folks home in Miami] Bubbe made a kishke, she made it big and fat, My Zaydeh took one look at it and said "I can't eat that!' ... Oh Bubbe, Bubbe, Bubbe, Oh Bubbe me oh myyyyyyyy...Dr. Pearl
Albert Markovski: That's bullshit because he doesn't care about things like this, where's the African guy, bring me the African guy, where's the African guy?
Brad Stand: Dude, what're you talking about?
Albert Markovski: Why does he get to write poetry? There's no Gazelles in North America Brad, just so you know, and the building squashing nature is my imagery, not yours, you don't write poetry
[pounding steering wheel] Mother... shitter... Son of an... ass. I just...Samir