She's sweet, but she's fucked-up.

Herman Blume

Rosemary Cross: I'm just having a little snack
Herman Blume: What'd you got there... carrots?

Bert Fischer: You're like one of those clipper ship captains. You're married to the sea.
Max Fischer: Yes, that's true.

Rosemary Cross: How did I hurt your feelings?
Max Fischer: Oh, my God! I wrote a hit play!

Best play ever, man.

Mr. Littlejeans

Rosemary Cross: Is this fake blood?
Max Fischer: Yes, it is.

Dear Max, I am sorry to say that I have secretly found out that Mr. Blume is having an affair with Miss Cross. My first suspicions came when I saw them Frenching in front of our house. And then I knew for sure when they went skinny dipping in Mr. Blume's swimming pool, giving each other handjobs while you were taking a nap on the front porch.

Dirk Calloway

I don't give a shit about the barracudas, fuck it! I'm building it anyway.

Max Fischer

[during his play "Heaven and Hell"] Maybe We'll meet again someday... [holds up a peace sign] When the fighting stops.

Max Fischer

Max Fischer: Sic transit gloria. Glory fades. I'm Max Fischer.
Rosemary Cross: Hi.
Max Fischer: Hi.

Tell that stupid Mick he just made my list of things to do today.

Max Fischer

Jerry Lundegaard: Now we had a deal. A deal's a deal.
Carl Showalter: Is it, Jerry? Why don't you ask those three poor souls in Brainerd if a deal's a deal. Go ahead, ask 'em!
Jerry Lundegaard: The heck do ya mean?
Carl Showalter: [mocking] "The heckya mean?"

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