Don't be mean to me. I just wanted to flirt with you.

Steve Zissou

Oseary Drakoulias: By the way, who knocked up the journalist?
Steve Zissou: I'm not sure.

I don't have a problem with objective reporting. What I have a problem with is some wombat... coming on my boat trying to railroad me.

Steve Zissou

Good lord. God protect that poor little stooge.

Oseary Drakoulias

Vladimir Wolodarsky: Steve, one of the interns just fell down the stairs with the main tracking processor.
Steve Zissou: All right, just make sure we steal the backup.

Bill Ubell: Captain, I am required by law to notify the bank of any illegal activities...
Steve Zissou: Just do what you gotta do to cover your ass, Bill.

Ned Plimpton: I'm gonna fight you, Steve.
[Steve hits Ned in the face]
Steve Zissou: You never say, "I'm gonna fight you, Steve." You just smile and act natural, and then you sucker-punch him.
Ned Plimpton: You fight your way, and I'll fight mine.
Steve Zissou: Okay, listen, Ned. Don't you try to...
[Ned hits Steve in the face]
Steve Zissou: I think your Team Zissou ring might've caught me on the lip.

I smell something weird down here. Smells like ya'll been hitting the Devil's lettuce.

Martin

Eddie Cantrow: This is my dad.
Lila: Oh, hi Dad.
Doc: Nice to meet you, Lila.
Lila: How do you know my name?
Doc: Okay, cat's out of the bag. My son found your panties on the sidewalk and we've been talking about you all week. Eddie, give her back her undies.

When she tells you to cock her, you cock her!

Doc

Happy wife, happy life!

Mac

Doc: So, what's new Eddie? Anything exciting?
Eddie Cantrow: Ah, yeah, we just got those new Nike Sasquatch drivers in the store, so that's been kind of cool.
Doc: Let me rephrase the question. You been crushin' any pussy?

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