Popular Comedy Quotes
Janis: What's that smell?
Cady: Oh, um... Regina gave me some parfume
Janis: You smell like a baby prostitute
Cady: Cady: Thanks!
Randal Graves. You work here too? Jesus, anyone else from our graduating class back there?Lance Dowds
Josh: Hey, in some parts of the universe, maybe not in contempo-casual, but in some parts, it's considered cool to know what's going on in the world.
Cher: Thank you Josh. I SO need lessons from you on how to be cool. Tell me the part about Kenny G again?
You're not strong! You're silky boys! Silk comes from the butts of Chinese Worms!Colonel Oates
Katie: Listen, Coop - last night was really great. You were incredibly romantic and heroic, no doubt about it. And that's great. But I've thought about it, and my thing is this: Andy is really hot. And don't get me wrong, you're cute too, but Andy is like, cut. From marble. He's gorgeous. He has this beautiful face and this incredible body, and I genuinely don't care that he's kinda lame. I don't even care that he cheats on me. And I like you more than I like Andy, Coop, but I'm 16. And maybe it'll be a different story when I'm ready to get married, but right now, I am entirely about sex. I just wanna get laid. I just wanna take him and grab him and fuck his brains out, ya know? So that's where my priorities are right now. Sex. Specifically with Andy and not with you.
I just wanna junk-punch him in his man business.Tipper
Donkey: You, uh... you don't entertain much, do you?
Shrek: I like my privacy.
Donkey: Y'know, me too. That's another thing we have in common. I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give someone a hint and they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence...
[big awkward silence ensues]
Donkey: ... Can I stay with you?
Peter Klaven: Do you need a plastic bag, or...
Sydney Fife: Oh no. I don't clean up after my dog.
Let's get out of here before one of those things kills Guy.Gwen DeMarco
I was a little boy and somebody made a shitty latch. That's what I think. That's what I think about the whole thing, OK? And I'm not gonna take those drugs anymore, because they have left me completely fucking numb. I have felt so fucking numb to everything I have experienced in my life, OK? And for that... for that I'm here to forgive you. You've always said that all you wanted was for us to have whatever it is we wanted, right? Well, maybe, what Mom wanted more then anything is for it to all be over, and for me, what I want more then anything in the world, is for it to be OK with you for me to feel something again, even if it's pain.Andrew Largeman
...I'm a steel trap. Whatever happens tonight, i won't ever ever speak a word of it. Seriously. I don't care what happens. I don't care if we kill someone.Alan Garner
Bender: [after Claire kisses him] Why'd you do that?
Claire Standish: 'Cause I knew you wouldn't.
Claire Standish: [pause] Did you really think what I did with my lipstick was gross?
Claire Standish: Yeah.