Mr. Kroot: All right, all right, Bolander, break that up. You know the rules. You and your girlfriend want to do that, go someplace else, huh?
Steve Bolander: Hey, Kroot! Why don't you go kiss a duck?
Mr. Kroot: What did you say?
Steve Bolander: I said, go kiss a duck, marblehead.
Mr. Kroot: Okay, Bolander, you are suspended. Don't - don't you even come in on Monday. You're out, you're out!
Steve Bolander: Hey, hey, Kroot. I graduated last semester. Remember?

But you know the thing about romance is people only get together right at the very end.


Ernie: What kind of fish?
Max Fischer: Barracuda, stingrays, electric eels, trout, hammerheads, piranha, giant squid, octopi...
Herman Blume: Piranhas? Really?
Max Fischer: Yes, I'm talking to a guy in South America.

Martin: Whatever. I'm glad I'm not a Jew.
Ben Stone: So are we. You weren't chosen for a reason.

Ken: Ray, did we or did we not agree that if I let you go on your date tonight, you'd do the things I wanted to do today?
Ray: We are doing the things you wanted to do today.
Ken: And I would do them without you throwing a fucking moody, like a five year old who's dropped all his sweets.
Ray: We didn't agree to that.

[in Korean] Prepare to suck the cock of karma!


It would be nice to think that since I was 14, times have changed. Relationships have become more sophisticated. Females less cruel. Skins thicker. Instincts more developed. But there seems to be an element of that afternoon in everything that's happened to me since. All my romantic stories are a scrambled version of that first one.


Walter Stratford: [Bianca and Chastity are sneaking past Bianca's father] Shoulda used the window!
Bianca: Hi Daddy!
Walter Stratford: Hi... where're we going?
Bianca: Well, if you must know... a small study group of friends.
Walter Stratford: Otherwise known as an orgy?
Chastity: Mr. Stratford, it's just a party!
Walter Stratford: And hell is just a sauna.

Why don't they ever bring back or remake good shows, like 'BJ and the Bear.' Now there's a concept I can't get enough of, a man and his monkey.


Chon Wang: Roy! The painting! It's looking at me!
Roy: Oh yeah, it looks like it's looking at me too. That's great.

Dale Denton: Yeah, except if you're a dick your whole life, you're going to come back as shit. Or a slug or a fuckin' anal bead. But if you do something heroic, then you'll come back as like an eagle or a dragon, or fuckin' Jude Law. Now which would you rather be, an anal bead or a dragon?
Red: Mmm... probably the anal bead... depending on who it belongs to.
Dale Denton: It belongs to me.

Will Turner: [gestures to drawing of key] You want me to find this?
Jack Sparrow: No. *You* want you to find this. Because the finding of this finds you incapacitorially finding and/or locating in your discovering the detecting of a way to save your dolly belle, ol' what's-er-face.

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