Popular Comedy Quotes
Josh: Look, I'm just curious. How many hours a day do you spend grooming yourself?
Cher: Some people are not lucky enough to be as naturally adorable as you are.
Josh: Stop it, you're making me blush.
Marty, find out where the police are going to be taking him. Send over a bottle of bubbly with a bucket of ice and a card. Have it say, "Tough break, get drunk on me. Use the bucket to ice down your marbles, Yours, Z."Ray Zalinsky
Mmm, yeah, I'm going to have to go ahead and ask you to come in on Sunday, too. We've got some new people coming in and we... need to play catch-up. Thanks!Bill Lumbergh
My miracle pill for the middle-aged man!Inspector Jacques Clouseau
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to tag along is more than welcome.Steve Zissou
Pat: How old are you?
Tiffany: Old enough to have a marriage end and not wind up in a mental hospital.
One more time, sweetness.Ernie McCracken
Mr. Wong: Remember, black people run very fast. But problem run faster.
Norbit: ...That's kinda racist.
Mr. Wong: Yes, Wong very racist. Don't like black. Don't like Jew either. But black and Jew love Chinese food. Go figure.
Leopard Seal: Remember dumplings, I know where you live.
RamÃ³n: That's right lardface, it's called LAND!
[while counting the votes, he sees Tracy in the hall looking in] The sight of Tracy at that moment affected me in a way I can't fully explain. Part of it was that she was spying; but mostly it was her face. Who knew how high she would climb in life? How many people would suffer because of her? I had to stop her... now!Jim McAllister
The world can really kick your ass. I only have a VAGUE recollection of when it wasn't kickin' mine.Roy
This is bad. No, let me call it what is. This is fucked up.Marcus Burnett