Popular Comedy Quotes
Everyone's like Cody this, Cody that. Cody's me bro, let me be me.Cody Maverick
We'll be accepting donations in the form of cash, visa, and full frontal nudity.Van Wilder
Harry Burns: There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.
Sally Albright: Which one am I?
Harry Burns: You're the worst kind. You're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.
Carter Duryea: Wow, you really believe in this stuff, huh?
Dan Foreman: Of course. Why else would I do it?
God: What are you doing now?
King Arthur: Averting our eyes, oh Lord.
God: Well, don't. It's just like those miserable psalms, always so depressing. Now knock it off!
Deborah Clasky: [upon hearing John's car pull into the driveway] Do I need to put on make-up?
Evelyn Norwich: You need a hose, but we don't have that kinda time.
[scene after the dog humps toy duck] I have to sew the duck's head back on... and fix his butthole.Donna Newman
[talking to Home Ec. Teacher] You know, Home Ec. is a joke. Everyone takes it to just get an A. Not to disgrace your profession or anything. There's three weeks left in school, just give me a fucking break! I'm sorry for cursing.Seth
Is that all you people think about? Getting fucked up?Taj
Simone: I know you're right, Pee-wee, but...
Pee-wee: But what? Everyone I know has a big "But...? C'mon, Simone, let's talk about *your* big "But".
Ed, this is serious!Shaun
Who needs him? I've got a vibrator!Mary