Popular Comedy Quotes
Michael: Sweet love, renew thy force.
[Start of Shakespeare's Sonnet LVI]
Patrick: Hey! Don't say shit like that to me. People can hear you.
Chastity: I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?
Bianca: I think you can in Europe.
Patrick: Someone still has her panties in a twist.
Kat Stratford: Don't, for one minute, think that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties.
Patrick: Then what did I have an effect on?
Kat Stratford: Other than my upchuck reflex, nothing.
Walter Stratford: Where's your sister going?
Kat Stratford: She's meeting some bikers. Big ones. Full of sperm.
Walter Stratford: Funny.
Walter Stratford: [Bianca and Chastity are sneaking past Bianca's father] Shoulda used the window!
Bianca: Hi Daddy!
Walter Stratford: Hi... where're we going?
Bianca: Well, if you must know... a small study group of friends.
Walter Stratford: Otherwise known as an orgy?
Chastity: Mr. Stratford, it's just a party!
Walter Stratford: And hell is just a sauna.
Ms. Perky: People perceive you as somewhat...
Kat Stratford: Tempestuous?
Ms. Perky: "Heinous bitch" is the term used most often.
Kat Stratford: You don't always have to be who they want you to be, you know?
Bianca: I happen to like being adored, thank you!
Bianca: Where did you come from? Planet "Loser"?
Kat Stratford: As opposed to Planet "Look At Me, Look At Me"?
Walter Stratford: This morning, I delivered a set of twins to a fifteen-year-old girl, do you know what she said to me?
Bianca: "I'm a crack-whore who should have made my skeazy boyfriend wear a condom"?
Walter Stratford: Close, but no. She said, "I should have listened to my father".
Bianca: She did not.
Walter Stratford: Well, that's what should would have said if she wasn't so doped up!
Kat Stratford: You're not surrounded by your usual cloud of smoke.
Patrick: I know, I quit. Apparently they're bad for you.
Kat Stratford: You think?
Patrick: Some asshole paid me to take out this really great girl.
Kat Stratford: Is that right?
Patrick: Yeah, but I screwed up. I, um, I fell for her.
Cameron: She never wanted me. She wanted Joey the whole time.
Patrick: Cameron, do you like the girl?
Patrick: Yeah, and is she worth all this trouble?
Cameron: Well, I thought she was, but you know, I...
Patrick: Well, she is or she isn't. See first of all, Joey is not half the man you are. Secondly, don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want. Go for it.