Popular Comedy Quotes
Well, you call those useless, yerk toting, frisbee chucking cheeba monkeys and you tell them you're gonna be an hour late.Droz
Maurice: Mr. McDowell?
Cleo McDowell: Yes?
Maurice: There's some people here to see you.
Cleo McDowell: They're not from McDonalds are they?
Cleo McDowell: I don't think so.
Todd Cleary: We had a moment at the dinner table didn't we?
Jeremy Grey: No! No! We did not have a moment at the dinner table, Todd!
Susan Cooper: Well, here's to your mom.
Rayna Boyanov: To my mother. And to you.
Susan Cooper: And here's to you. I mean you may never be as wise as an owl but you'll always be a hoot to me! Haha.
Rayna Boyanov: What a stupid fucking retarded toast. You're delightful.
Susan Cooper: As are you.
Tell him not to jerk off with a noose around his neck - it's dangerous.Jonah
Spray some on my butt cause I just shit my pants!Nick Vanderpark
Oh, it's not the speed really so much, I just wish I hadn't drunk all that cough syrup this morning.John Winger
Tai: Cher, I don't want to do this anymore. And my buns: they don't feel nothin' like steel.
Please wait outside. The council will now meet in secret, debate your personality flaws, and come to a final decision.Tammy
Brad Hamilton: Why don't you get a job Spicoli?
Jeff Spicoli: What for?
Brad Hamilton: You need money.
Jeff Spicoli: All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.
Mike: So how long do I wait to call?
Trent: A day.
Sue: Tomorrow, then a day.
Mike: So two days?
Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days.
Sue: Definitely, two days is like industry standard.
Sheila Broflovski: ...if it's war they want, it's war they'll have!
Cartman: This is fucking weak..