Popular Comedy Quotes
Ron Albertson: I had to have penis reduction surgery.
Dr. Allan Pearl: Penis reduction?
Sheila: I said to him, "Ron, you've gotta do something!" And he says to me, "Well, why don't you get one of those vagina enlargements?"
Ron Albertson: I'd wish they'd at least give us a line. I made some suggestions...
Sheila: We should be line-DANCING.
[during "Red, White, and Blaine production] I love you too pa. You taught me how to be a man. How to wrastle a steer to the ground and apply a fiery brand to his hind-quarters. And yes, how to love a woman. How the smell of her hair can drive a man wild!Corky St. Clair
I dream of Genie with the light brown hair. Floating like a vapor on the soft summer air. LOOK OUT! Campdown races sing this song doo da doo da...Dr. Pearl
[singing at an old folks home in Miami] Bubbe made a kishke, she made it big and fat, My Zaydeh took one look at it and said "I can't eat that!' ... Oh Bubbe, Bubbe, Bubbe, Oh Bubbe me oh myyyyyyyy...Dr. Pearl
[attempting to say "Hello, how are you" in a Cockney accent] Ello, ow are ooo?Corky St. Clair
Mom was right about you!Nick 'Santa' Claus
Dan Burns: [after the family sees him kissing Marie] You guys broke up, right?
Mitch Burns: Two hours ago!
Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised.Dan Burns
I don't want to go out with the pig... face.Dan Burns
Put it on my tab.Dan Burns
There's rightness in our wrongness.Dan Burns