Popular Comedy Quotes
Dick Pepperfield: I am here with owner/player/coach, Jackie Moon, and two of the Flint Tropics Ball girls. Hello ladies.
Jackie Moon: You are a little tongue tied now aren't ya Dick?
Dick Pepperfield: *Laughing* No no no, no no no. Mrs. Pepperfield is watching this, she watches all the broadcasts, and I just want you to know that I have no interest in these ladies what-so-ever. I think they are appalling.
Drillbit Taylor: Who do you guys need protection from?
Ryan: Just a highschool bully.
You know what this is? A wing, and you are under it. All three of you, right there.Drillbit Taylor
Drillbit Taylor: What do you teach?
English Teacher: English.
Drillbit Taylor: My native tongue.
Now it isn't all oriental martial arts. Sometimes you give a little mexican judo. As in you don't know who you messin with homesDrillbit Taylor
English Teacher: I've never met anyone as great as you. I'm really just always attracted to such dirtbag guys. Some bum, some lying pig.
Drillbit Taylor: Stop it. You were starting to rant a little bit.
Badges? We don't need no stinking badges.Mexican Bandit
Lili Von Shtupp: Hello, cowboy. Wha's your name?
Tex: Tex, Ma'am.
Lili Von Shtupp: Texmam? Well, tell me Texmam, are you in show business?
Tex: Well, no, ma'am.
Lilly von Schtupp: Then why don't you get your fwiggin' feet off o' the stage.
Bart: Are we awake?
Jim: We're not sure. Are we black?
Bart: Yes, we are.
Jim: Then we're awake, but very puzzled.
Charlie: Hey Bart, is it me or is the world rising?
Bart: I don't know, but whatever it is, I hate it.
Taggart: [learning Bart is the new sheriff of Rock Ridge] Now if that don't beat all. Here we take the good time and trouble to slaughter every last Indian in the West, and for what? So we can appoint a sheriff that's blacker than any Indian. I AM depressed.
Lyle: Excuse me, Mr. Taggart, sir, but I sure do hate to see you like this. What if me and the boys was to shoot that nigger dead? Would that pep you up some?
Taggart: That might help...
Bart: Mornin', ma'am. And isn't it a lovely mornin'?
Elderly woman: Up yours nigger.