Popular Comedy Quotes
Airport Lot Attendant: There's a minimum charge of 4 dollars, long term parking charges by the day.
Carl Showalter: I guess you think you're... you know like an authority figure, with that stupid fucking uniform, huh buddy? King clip-on-tie there, big fucking man huh? You know these are the limits of your life man. The rule of your little fucking gate here. Here's your 4 dollars you pathetic piece of shit!
I can say what I want - I still got Nazi bullets in my ass.Grandpa
You ask me one more question and I'm beating the shit out of you.Andrew
That's for calling me crap you fatty!Felicity Shagwell
Gypsy, who is this woman you have shrunk?Borat
Scott Evil: [to Dr. Evil] I hate you.
Scott Evil: [to Austin] I hate you.
Scott Evil: [to Foxxy] I don't even know you, but I hate you too.
Scott Evil: [to Mini-Me] And I ESPECIALLY hate you. [runs away]
Dr. Evil: I'd just like to point out that no one else in my gene pool runs like a girl.
Mr. Ray: Well, hello Nemo. Who's this?
Nemo: Exchange student.
Squirt: I'm from the EAC, dude.
Mr. Ray: Sweet!
Nemo, Squirt: Totally!
Mary Katherine Gallagher: Oh my God!
Jesus: Oh my Me! How are you?
Mary Katherine Gallagher: It's going OK. Are you the Lord?
Jesus: Well, to you I am. See, technically, you're, like, in this REM sleep state, and I'm a mixture of your mind's images of God, some past authority figures, uh, Skye, and your dad. Basically, your subconcsious came up with me to help you deal. Dig?
Mary Katherine Gallagher: Yeah... uh, you want a glass of water or something?
Jesus: No, I'm good. I'm God!
Mary Katherine Gallagher: Oh. Right.
Fletcher: Are you marrying this guy because you're mad at me?
Audrey: No - I divorced you because I was mad at you.
Jenny Johnson: [after breaking the bed while having sex] I'm sorry. I'll get you a new one.
Matt Saunders: A bed or a penis?
Jenny Johnson: Both.
Stan: Listen Mr. homeless man, if you don't wanna buy us the tickets and not get your ten bucks and not buy yourself a bottle of vodka, then be my guest.
Homeless man: Six tickets please!
Colonel Sandurz: Sir, do you think we're being too literal?
Dark Helmet: No you fool, we're following orders. We were told to comb the desert so we're combing it.