Popular Comedy Quotes
[singing] Nothing ever happens on Mars/No sports or entertainment/No swinging bars/You stand around/You stand some more/On a planet named for the Roman god of war.Dr. Allan Pearl
[to Terry] Is that you in that beautiful car? Geez, what a waste of machinery!Teenager in car
[narrating] Being suspended is like getting a paid vacation. Why do they think it's a punishment? It's like your dog pees on the carpet and you give him a treat. Then you get in trouble for skipping school, it's sooo stupid! Hendricks told me, "One more time" and I'd be expelled. Sounded good to me.Tammy Metzler
Well, would you like to know what you'd be without us, the good ol' U.S. of A. to protect you? I'll tell you. The smallest fucking province in the Russian Empire, that's what. So don't call me stupid, lady. Just thank me.Otto
Your wedding will be huge... just like your ass at prom!Emma
[over the phone]
Matt Saunders: What's going on there?
Vaughn Haige: Some big fire on 73rd and Broadway. Everything's burning.
Matt Saunders: Is anyone hurt?
Vaughn Haige: I don't know, probably. It's blocking my way to the gym.
Matt Saunders: All my thoughts are with you in this time of crisis.
You know, I didn't just heed what I was taught, men and women should be together, it's the natural way, that kind of thing. I'm not with you because of what family, society, life tried to instill in me from day one. The way the world is, how seldom it is that you meet that one person who just gets you ... it's so rare. My parents didn't really have it. There were no examples set for me in the world of male-female relationships. And to cut oneself off from finding that person, to immediately halve your options by eliminating the possibility of finding that one person within your own gender, that just seemed stupid to me. So I didn't. But then you came along. You, the one least likely. I mean, you were a guy.Alyssa
Carrie: Having a good night?
Charles: Yes. It's right up there with my father's funeral for sheer entertainment value.
George Nelson: Cows! I hate cows worse than coppers!
Delmar O'Donnell: Oh, George... not the livestock.
Please Captain, not in front of the Klingons.Spock
Dominic Badguy: Dominic
Fozzie Bear: Dominic Badguy?
Dominic Badguy: "Bad-gee". It's French.
I really thought that was going to explode.Schmidt