Popular Comedy Quotes
Dory: Would you quit it? What, the ocean isn't big enough for you or something like that? You got a problem? Huh? Do ya, do ya, do ya? You wanna piece of me? Yeah, yeah! Ooh, I'm scared now! What?
Marlin: What? You said you saw a boat.
Dory: A boat?
Dory: Hey, I've seen a boat. It went by not too long ago. It went... this way. It went this way.
Marlin: Wait a minute, you already told me which way the boat went.
Dory: I did? Oh, no...
Do you know how I know you're gay? Because you are holding each other ever so gently.Haziz
Trudy: Hey, Micheal. Micheal, who are you talking to?
Michael Newman: Jesus. I'm talking to my boss, Ma. Take it easy.
Trudy: Oh, yeah? Well, tell him to get a life. You got family here. You're busy. Come on.
Michael Newman: My mother says hello.
Debbie: I gotta go, Sadie might have the chicken pox.
Jason: I had the chicken pox three times. I have no immunity to it.
Ben Stone: We don't have the heart to tell him it's herpes.
[passing back class' exams] 'C', 'D', 'F'. 'F'. 'F'. For three weeks we have been talking about the Platt Amendment. It was passed in 1906.Mr. Hand
I am Colin. God of Sex. I'm just on the wrong continent, that's all.Colin
Bitch, what you don't know about me I can just about squeeze in the Grand fucking Canyon. Did you know I always wanted to be a dancer in Vegas?Silent Bob
Otto: Look, you obviously don't know anything about intelligence work, lady. It's an X-K-Red-27 technique.
Wendy: My father was in the Secret Service, Mr. Manfredjinsinjin, and I know perfectly well that you don't keep the general public informed when you are "debriefing KGB defectors in a safe house."
Kurt Kelly: Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a no fags allowed rule?
J.D.: Well, they seem to have an open door policy for assholes though don't they?
Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later? How do you like to do it? Do you like to wash up first? You know, top and tails... whore's bath? Personally, before I'm on the job, I like to give my undercarriage a bit of a 'how's your father'!Austin Powers
Stop the penis party!Womynist
Mrs. Plum: Stephanie started a new job!
Stephanie Plum: Yeah, I did. I just got a gun.
Mrs. Plum: Whoa! (Grandma Mazur checks out the gun and proceeds to shoot the chicken sitting on the dinner table)
Mrs. Plum: Put the gun away, ma!
Mr. Plum: She belongs in a home.
Grandma Mazur: Shot that sucker in the gumpy...