Popular Comedy Quotes
Mr. Morgan: [after reading Shakespearean sonnet] Now, I know Shakespeare's a dead white guy, but he knows his shit, so we can overlook that. I want you all to write your own version of this sonnet.
[Kat raises her hand in the background]
Mr. Morgan: Yes, Miss "I Have An Opinion About Everything"?
Michael: Alright. Uh, I talked to her; I got the scoop.
Cameron: What'd she say?
Michael: "Hates him with the fire of a thousand suns." That's a direct quote.
Patrick: Thanks Michael. That's very comforting of you.
Cameron: Well, you don't know. She could, uh, she could need a day to cool off.
[they all duck as a soccer ball flies past them]
Patrick: Maybe two.
Bianca: Can't you just find some blind, deaf retard to take you to the movies so I can have one date?
Kat Stratford: I'm sorry. Looks like you'll just have to miss out on the witty repartee of Joey "eat me" Donner.
Kat Stratford: You are amazingly self-assured, has anyone ever told you that?
Patrick: I tell myself that every day, actually.
Patrick: I thought for sure I was busted when I was climbing out that window, I tell you. So, how did you keep him distracted?
Kat Stratford: Oh, I dazzled him with my... wits.
Cameron: We are screwed.
Michael: Hey, no, hey. I don't wanna hear that defeatist attitude... I wanna hear you upbeat!
Cameron: [more upbeat] We are screwed!
Michael: There ya go.
Mandella: Have you seen him?
Kat Stratford: Who?
Mandella: William. He asked me to meet him here.
Kat Stratford: Oh Mandella, please tell me you haven't progressed to full-on hallucinations.
Patrick: [while trying to get Kat go out with him] Well, the night I take you places you've never been before.
Kat Stratford: Like where, the 7-11 on Broadway?
Walter Stratford: I know who you wanna bend the rules for. It's that hot-rod Joey.
Bianca: What's a hot-rod?
[drunk. Leans in close to Patrick] Hey... your eyes have a little green in them.Kat Stratford
[Patrick smiles momentarily, then Kat vomits at his feet]
Walter Stratford: You know fathers don't like to admit it when their daughters are capable of running their own lives. It means we've become spectators. Bianca still let's me play a few innings - you've had me on the bench for years. And when you go to Sarah Lawrence, I won't even be able to watch the game.
Kat Stratford: *When* I go?
Walter Stratford: Oh, boy. Don't tell me you changed your mind. I already sent 'em a check.
[Kat gasps in surprise, then hugs her father]