Popular Comedy Quotes
Ms. Perky: Patrick Verona. I see we're making our visits a weekly ritual.
Patrick: Only so we can have these moments together. Should I, uh, hit the lights?
Ms. Perky: Oh, very clever, kangaroo boy. Says here you exposed yourself in the cafeteria?
Patrick: I was joking with the lunch lady. It was a bratwurst.
Ms. Perky: Bratwurst? Aren't we the optimist? Next time, keep it in your pouch, okay? Scoot!
Mr. Morgan: I know how difficult it must be for you to overcome all those years of upper middle-class suburban oppression. Must be tough. But the next time you storm the PTA crusading for better... lunch meat, or whatever it is you white girls complain about, ask them WHY they can't buy a book written by a black man!
White Rastas: That's right mon!
Mr. Morgan: Don't even get me started on you two!
White Rastas: [Mumble to themselves]
Bianca: People expect me to be there!
Walter Stratford: Kat's not going, you're not going!
Bianca: Why can't you be normal?
Kat Stratford: Define normal.
Bianca: Bogey Lowenstein's party is normal.
Walter Stratford: What's a Bogey Lowenstein?
Kat Stratford: Bogey's party is just a lame excuse for all the idiots at our school to drink beer and rub up against each other in hopes of distracting themselves from the pathetic emptiness of their meaningless...
Bianca, Chastity: ...meaningless, consumer-driven lives.
Bianca: [after Kat has told her that she went out with Joey] How is it possible that I did not know about this?
Kat Stratford: I warned him that if he told anyone, the cheerleading squad would find out how tiny his dick is!
Mr. Chapin: You look nervous...
kid in detention: Yes sir.
Mr. Chapin: You're sweating like a pig...
kid in detention: Yes sir.
Mr. Chapin: You're eyes are all... bloodshot
kid in detention: yes sir
Mr. Chapin: You've got pot, haven't you?
kid in detention: [looks down at pocket] Yes sir.
Mr. Chapin: I'm confiscating this.
Mr. Chapin: [walks away and sees Cheetos on another students desk] ... this... too.
Joey: Your sister here?
Kat Stratford: Stay away from my sister.
Joey: Oh, I'll stay away from your sister, but I can't guarantee she'll stay away from me.
Joey: [holding up headshots] Which one do you like better?
Bianca: Umm, I think I like the white shirt better.
Joey: Yeah, it's-it's more...
Joey: Damn, I was going for thoughtful.
Joey: Are you lost?
Michael: No, actually I just came by to chat.
Joey: We don't chat.
Kat Stratford: I'll let you get back to Reginald's quivering member.
Ms. Perky: "Quivering member." I like that.
Ms. Perky: [writing her novel] ... Underlating with desire, Adrian removes her red
[breaks concentration, chooses another word]
Ms. Perky: crimson cape, at the site of Reginal's stiff and...
[Yells at Judith]
Ms. Perky: What’s another word for "engorged"?
Judith: [disgusted look] I'll look it up.
Ms. Perky: Ok.
[thinking of word]
Ms. Perky: Swollen... Turgient...
Kat Stratford: [enters Kat] Tumesent?
Ms. Perky: Perfect!
Kat Stratford: [as Kat leaves] I'll let you get back to "Reginal's quivering member".
Ms. Perky: Quivering member? I like that.
Bianca: Can we for two seconds ignore the fact that you're severely unhinged and discuss my need for a night of teenage normalcy?
Walter Stratford: What's normal? Those damn Dawson's River kids, sleeping in each other's beds and whatnot?
Bianca: But she's a mutant! What if she never dates?
Walter Stratford: Then you'll never date. Oh, I like that.