Stop the penis party!


Reporter: Do you often see your father?
Paul: No, actually, we're just good friends.

Tugg Speedman: Wait, guys, are you telling me you're giving up on the movie? I thought we were supposed to be a team, a unit.
Kirk Lazarus: Suck my unit.

Ian: Herd, circle formation!
[the other deer surround Boog]
Ian: That's an oval, idiots! More... circular.

Wanda: You just wanted to get me into bed.
Archie: I fell in love with you.
Wanda: How come you dumped me then.
Archie: I wasn't rich enough, remember.
Wanda: Say something in Russian.
Archie: No.

If you died right now, I would throw myself under one of my Dad's cement trucks so I could be poured into your tomb.

Tammy Metzler

Craig Jones: Mom, loan me 200 dollars.
Mrs. Jones: Craig, I wouldn't feel comfortable lending you money without a job.
Craig Jones: If I had a job, I wouldn't need to borrow any money.
Mrs. Jones: Exactly.

The post-game show is brought to you by... Christ, I can't find it. To hell with it.

Harry Doyle

It is so nice when you can sit with someone and not have to talk.

Harry Burns

Denise: Just so you know, judging from my little experience, I kind of believe in fate. It just works in really fucked up ways sometimes.
Preston: Especially in your case. I'm sorry. You gave that to me, I just had to take it. Take care. Peace out, G!

Charlotte Palmer: Oh, if only this rain would stop!
Mr. Palmer: If only you would stop.

Juno MacGuff: I could like, have this baby and give it to someone who like totally needs it.
Leah: You should look in the PennySaver.
Juno MacGuff: They have ads for parents?
Leah: Yeah! 'Desperately Seeking Spawn.'

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