Popular Comedy Quotes
Mandella: Have you seen him?
Kat Stratford: Who?
Mandella: William. He asked me to meet him here.
Kat Stratford: Oh Mandella, please tell me you haven't progressed to full-on hallucinations.
Patrick: [while trying to get Kat go out with him] Well, the night I take you places you've never been before.
Kat Stratford: Like where, the 7-11 on Broadway?
Walter Stratford: I know who you wanna bend the rules for. It's that hot-rod Joey.
Bianca: What's a hot-rod?
[drunk. Leans in close to Patrick] Hey... your eyes have a little green in them.Kat Stratford
[Patrick smiles momentarily, then Kat vomits at his feet]
Walter Stratford: You know fathers don't like to admit it when their daughters are capable of running their own lives. It means we've become spectators. Bianca still let's me play a few innings - you've had me on the bench for years. And when you go to Sarah Lawrence, I won't even be able to watch the game.
Kat Stratford: *When* I go?
Walter Stratford: Oh, boy. Don't tell me you changed your mind. I already sent 'em a check.
[Kat gasps in surprise, then hugs her father]
Kat Stratford: We're going now.
Walter Stratford: Alright, wait a minute. No drinking, no drugs, no kissing, no tattoos, no piercings, NO ritual animal slaughters of any kind... oh God, I'm giving them ideas.
If I'd grown up on a farm and was retarded, Bruges might impress me, but I didn't, so it doesn't.Ray
Jimmy: She's ainâ€™t my girlfriend. She's a prostitute.
Ken: I am not aware that there are any prostitutes in Bruges.
Jimmy: You just have to look in the right places. Brothels are good.
Jerry: [sung, poorly, to the tune of the Ghostbusters theme song] When you're walkin' down the street...
Jerry: [singing] ... and you see a little ghost...
Jerry: [singing] ... whatcha gonna do about -
[more out of tune]
Mike: What? What is that?
Jerry: That's the Ghostbusters theme song.
Jerry: I'm pretty sure it is.
Dick Pepperfield: Lou, would you mind putting out that cigarette?
Lou Redwood: No. I like to smoke when I drink.
Ken: Harry, let's face it. You've always been a cunt. The only thing that's gonna change, is that you're gonna be an even bigger cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids.
Harry: You fuckin' retract that bit about my cunt fucking kids!
Ken: I retract that bit about your cunt fucking kids.
Harry: Insulting my fucking kids? That's goin' overboard man!
Ken: I retracted it, didn't I?
They're filming midgets!Ray