Popular Comedy Quotes
The post-game show is brought to you by... Christ, I can't find it. To hell with it.Harry Doyle
It is so nice when you can sit with someone and not have to talk.Harry Burns
Denise: Just so you know, judging from my little experience, I kind of believe in fate. It just works in really fucked up ways sometimes.
Preston: Especially in your case. I'm sorry. You gave that to me, I just had to take it. Take care. Peace out, G!
Charlotte Palmer: Oh, if only this rain would stop!
Mr. Palmer: If only you would stop.
Juno MacGuff: I could like, have this baby and give it to someone who like totally needs it.
Leah: You should look in the PennySaver.
Juno MacGuff: They have ads for parents?
Leah: Yeah! 'Desperately Seeking Spawn.'
Wow, that was such an expensive looking explosion! I can't believe we had that in the budget.Fozzie Bear
You know who else I like that didn't get much play? Velma from Scooby-Doo. She was cool. She was a hip, hip lady.Stoner Guy
King: So I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be...
Shrek: Ogres! Yes!
Queen: Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Harold?
King: Oh, no, no. Of course not! That's assuming you don't eat your own young.
Princess Fiona: Dad!
Shrek: Oh, no, we usually prefer the ones who have been locked away in the tower.
Princess Fiona: Shrek, please!
King: I only did that because I love her!
Shrek: Oh, yeah! Daycare or dragon-guarded castle!
Damn, why am I tripping on shit I know is there?Marcus Burnett
Laurie Henderson: Come on.
Steve Bolander: Come on, what?
Laurie Henderson: Steven, please. Smile or something.
Steve Bolander: Quit pinching!
Laurie Henderson: You think I care if you go off? You think I'm gonna crack up or something? Boy, are you conceited!
Steve Bolander: I don't know why I ever asked you out!
Bruce: There were so many. I just gave them all what they want.
God: Yeah. But since when does anyone have a clue about what they want?
I tell you what I know. A kid who wears the same gymnastics sweatshirt three days a week isn't getting laid until he's 29. that's what I know.Elizabeth Halsey