Popular Comedy Quotes
Frank: Did you know that "a la mode", in French, translates literally to "in the fashion"? A la moooode... It comes from the latin word modus to do or proper measure.
Richard: Frank shut up.
Lynn: You think I've forgotten that you cheated on me twice?
Monix: I only cheated on you once. There just had to be two women.
Jackie Moon: There'll be a lotta television cameras out there so we just gotta be tip top.
Clarence 'Coffee' Black: So what's the plan?
Jackie Moon: Brought a secret weapon. It's going to make us look extra cool on Tv.
Bee Bee Ellis: What the hell is that?
Jackie Moon: It's eyeliner dummy. Now who's first? Monix?
Monix: Oh yeah... Let me get a fresh Maxi-Pad outta my purse.
Fogell: Can we shoot at it?
Officer Slater: I don't know...
Officer Slater: Can you?
Evan: Yeah chicks go nuts for that... the male camel toe.
Seth: Yea yea! The camel tail.
Seth: Hey Greg, why don't you go piss your pants?
Greg the Soccer Player: [turning around] That was like 8 years ago, asshole!
Seth: [yelling] People don't forget!
Liquor Store Clerk: Is there a problem here sir?
Fogell: [shakes head] No.
Liquor Store Clerk: [looks down at the spilled beer on the floor] Sir, did you do this?
Fogell: No, no I didn't and you should really clean this up, someone could really hurt themselves
Liquor Store Clerk: [looks down at the floor and shakes his head a little] Fuck my life
Officer Michaels: [out of breath] He's a freak...
Officer Michaels: He's the fastest kid alive...
Becca: [drunkenly making out with Evan] I *so* flirt with you in math.
Evan: Tell me about it. I - same-sies.
Barbara: We're very unhappy.
Juno: What did you expect? You're dead.
Adam: What are your qualifications?
Beetlejuice: Ah. Well... I attended Juilliard... I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen the Excorcist 167 times, and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it. Not to mention the fact that you're talking to a dead guy! Now what do you think!? You think I'm qualified?
Lydia: They don't want to come down.
Otho: Why not?
Lydia: I think the reason is that they were trying to scare you away, and you didn't get scared.
Delia: Please, they're dead. It's a little late to be neurotic.