Popular Comedy Quotes
I give them six months. Three, if she cooks.
Helen
Frank: [watching Larry get thrown from a moving car and rolling up next to his feet] Who was that?
Larry Buckman: [Larry stands up and brushes himself off] Oh, just some friends of mine.
Frank: Friends? Friends slow down. Friends even stop!
Helen: Tod?
Tod: Yeah?
Helen: Do you want me to make you breakfast?
Tod: No thanks, Julie will.
Helen: Great.
[then adds under her breath]
Helen: I'll get the fire extinguisher.
Freddy Benson: I didn't steal any money! She just saw me with another woman! You're French, you understand that!
Inspector Andre: To be with another woman, that is French. To be caught, that is American.
A poacher who shoots at rabbits may scare big game away.
Lawrence Jamieson
Fellas, last year I made 3 million dollars, but your 50 thousand was the most fun. Are you ready? Then let's go get 'em.
Janet Colgate
Lawrence Jamieson: Do you ever have a single thought that originates from above the waist?
Freddy Benson: No!
Lawrence Jamieson: Freddy, as a younger man, I was a sculptor, a painter, and a musician. There was just one problem: I wasn't very good. As a matter of fact, I was dreadful. I finally came to the frustrating conclusion that I had taste and style, but not talent. I knew my limitations. We all have our limitations, Freddy. Fortunately, I discovered that taste and style were commodities that people desired. Freddy, what I am saying is: know your limitations. You are a moron.
I've got culture coming out of my ass.
Freddy Benson
May I take your trident, sir?
Arthur
Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K.
Ted
Now where are we, dude? Oh. It's my house.
Ted
