Popular Comedy Quotes
Edward Vanderman Jr.: Try to remember - I'm your son.
Leonard Wilhern: That's exactly what I'm trying to forget!
Duty Cop: Detailed description?
Jessica Wilhern: Brown hair. Brown eyes.
Jessica Wilhern: A uniquely pleasant personality.
Franklin Wilhern: Think pig.
Duty Cop: So she's a fat girl?
Penelope: Helaborasoreantalis. They're amazing; they bloom even in the winter.
Annie: That's cool.
Penelope: They just pop up without any help from anyone.
Annie: [laughs] Kind of like my ex-boyfriend, if you know what I mean.
Penelope: [telling her class her story] And we lived happily ever after - well, happily ever after so far at least.
Child #1: I don't get it. What does it mean?
Penelope: Well, you tell me what you think it means.
Child #2: Rich people stink!
Child #3: It's always the mothers fault.
Child #4: It's not the power of the curse - it's the power you give the curse.
Max: All Halloween I've been running into someone I used to know.
Penelope: [wearing a pig mask] This someone - she meant a lot to you?
Max: Yes, yes she did.
Penelope: What happened?
Max: I couldn't give her what she wanted.
Penelope: What did she want?
Max: To be free.
Journalist #1: Do you have any other pig parts?
Journalist #2: With such a large nose, do you smell better than the rest of us?
Penelope: [laughs] You tell me.
Wanda: Wait! He's still a blue-blood! He can break the curse.
Penelope: Max, I know this face repulses you... And I wouldn't, I wouldn't dream of asking you to accept it.
Max: No... No... No...
Penelope: But this isn't me, the real me is inside here somewhere just waiting to get out and you can make that happen and once the curse is broken I'll be just like anybody else.
Max: What if the curse doesn't get broken? What if the curse can never be broken?
Penelope: Then I'll kill myself. I promise, I promise I will.
Penelope: Marry me, Max. Marry me.
Max: I can't.
Penelope: Get out.
Wanda: Get out. Get out.
Marie: You don't have to smile.
Dan Burns: It's better than the alternative.
What don't I understand, Cara? Please, help me out. What is it? Is it frustrating that you can't be with this person? That there's something keeping you apart? That there's something about this person that you can connect with? And whenever you're near this person, you don't know what to say, and you say everything that's in your mind and in your heart, and you know that if you could just be together, that this person would help you become the best possible version of yourself?Dan Burns
It's like the Titanic but with bears!Jackie Moon
Cover your sodas! Dewey loves sugar!Jackie Moon
It feels like I got cat piss in my eyes.Jackie Moon