Popular Comedy Quotes
Shtarker: Too bad about all the dead movie stars.
Siegfried: Yes. What will we do without their razor-sharp political advice.
Do I look like a cat to you boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree? Am I drinking milk from a saucer? DO YOU SEE ME EATING MICE?Foster
Rob Newhouse: Conjugal visits? Mmmm. Not that I know of. Y'know, minimum-security prison is no picnic. I have a client in there right now. He says the trick is: kick someone's ass the first day, or become someone's bitch. Then everything will be all right... Why do you ask, anyway?
Heather Duke: Veronica, you look like hell.
Veronica Sawyer: Yeah? I just got back.
Hey, there's even a fridge! You could put six packs of be..... [glances at his dad] ... soda in here!Tommy
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!Brennan Huff
I got mind control over Deebo. He be like "shut the f**k up." I be quiet. But when he leave, I be talking again.Smokey
Oh, if they were Sean Jean sweatpants it would be no problem, but because they were Costco brand, it's the worst thing I could do.Peter Bretter
Economics Teacher: Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
Simone: Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.
John Beckwith: Don't waste your time on girls with hats. They tend to be very proper.
Jeremy Grey: Yeah? Well, the proper girl in the hat just eye-fucked the shit out of me.
The Donkey: Shrek.
Shrek: What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say.
The Donkey: But that's no way to behave in front of a princess.
[Fiona burps louder]
Princess Fiona: Thanks.
The Donkey: [to Shrek] She's as nasty as you are.
Hansel: So I'm repelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh ahh, I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize "Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this maybe be in your head?"
Derek Zoolander: And?
Hansel: And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.