Popular Comedy Quotes
Sister EncarnaciÃ³n: Wrestling is ungodly Ignacio. People cheer for him... and he is a false idol.
Scarface: Yo I'm Cuban, B!
Samson Simpson: Yes, Cuban B.
Fezzik: You just shook your head... doesn't that make you happy?
Westley: My brains, his steel, and your strength against 60 men, and you think a little head jiggle is supposed to make me happy?
Rick Vaughn: You put snot on the ball?
Eddie Harris: I haven't got an arm like you, kid. I have to put anything on it I can find. Someday you will too.
You're not a god. You can take my word for it; this is 12 years of Catholic school talking.Rita
Ah, devil ether. It makes you behave like the village drunkard in some early Irish novel. Total loss of all basic motor function. Blurred vision, no balance, numb tongue. The mind recoils in horror, unable to communicate with the spinal column. Which is interesting because you can actually watch yourself behaving in this terrible way, but you can't control it.Raoul Duke
Allow myself to introduce... myself!Austin Powers
And this is the Buzz Lightyear aisle. Back in 1995, short-sighted retailers did not order enough dolls to meet demand.Barbie
Are those fricken' sharks with fricken' laser beams attached to their fricken' heads?Dr. Evil
Quentin Hapsburg: Do you gamble?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Every time I order out.
Mr. Willerstein: Dr. Krunklehorn, I know you're very busy at Inventco Labs. And we're just so happy to have you as a judge.
Lucille Krunklehorn: It's my pleasure, Mr. Willerstein. Hey, you never know, one of your students may invent the next integrated circuit, or microprocessor, or integrated circuit. Oh wait, I said that already. Well, I just don't get out of the lab very much. Is that a bowtie? I like bowties. I haven't slept in eight days!
Mr. Willerstein: Uh, well then, can I get you a cot or something?
Lucille Krunklehorn: Nope, I have the caffeine patch. It's my invention. Each patch is the equivalent of 12 cups of coffee. You can stay up for days with no side effects. Ahhh! Sorry.
Fuck Jay and Silent Bob. Fuck them up their stupid asses.Holden