Popular Comedy Quotes
I feel like I'm in 2 Fast 2 Furious.Aaron Green
[during his play "Heaven and Hell"] Maybe We'll meet again someday... [holds up a peace sign] When the fighting stops.Max Fischer
Cellmate: ...and when there was no meat... we ate fowl... and when there was no fowl, we ate crawdad... and when there was no crawdad to be found, we ate sand.
H.I.: You ate what?
Cellmate: We ate sand.
H.I.: You ate SAND?
Cellmate: That's right.
Dewey Cox: I have a lot of pain in me.
Darlene: Where does all that pain come from, Dewey?
Dewey Cox: I cut my brother in half with a machete.
Darlene: [shocked] What?
Dewey Cox: Nothin', nothin'. Let's get some food, come on.
[drunk, rapping] Back up in your ass with the resurrection!Samir
Metatron: However, if you should decide to stop being selfish and accept your responsibility, you won't be alone. You'll have support.
Bethany: What, more angels?
Metatron: Prophets. Two of them. The one who speaks - and he will, at great lengths, whether you want him to or not - will make mention of himself as a prophet. The other one... well, he's the quiet type, but he'll be helpful just the same.
You're not ashamed of me. You're really ashamed of yourself. Tell Lulu, easy on the chronic.Korean Mother
It’s that clown that’s been datin’ my sister, little man smurf.James
Oh, it's all right. I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?Lt. Frank Drebin
President George Bush: Frank, please consider filling a post I'm creating. It may mean long hours and dangerous nights, surrounded by some of the scummiest elements in our society.
Lt. Frank Drebin: You want me to be in your cabinet?
Earl Bassett: Y'know, that's a good way to break an axle.
Valentine McKee: Could you shut up?
Earl Bassett: Hey, I don't need to spend the night out here!
Valentine McKee: [pause] Crybaby.
Rob: Why does it have to be Goofy? Why couldn't it be Mickey? Mickey's an icon.
Mike: What do you want? You're tall.