Tod: Has anyone seen my wife?
Helen: She's still at school. She has cheerleading practice.

Julie: I can't believe I trusted him...
Helen: Well, what did you expect from a kid like that?
Julie: Oh, Mom, back off. The last guy you dated stole our furniture.

They're bad dudes. That's why they call the game "Bad Dudes."

Gil

Lou: Hey, Gil, our boys finally gonna win one game?
Gil: Way to be supportive, Lou.

I give them six months. Three, if she cooks.

Helen

Frank: [watching Larry get thrown from a moving car and rolling up next to his feet] Who was that?
Larry Buckman: [Larry stands up and brushes himself off] Oh, just some friends of mine.
Frank: Friends? Friends slow down. Friends even stop!

Helen: Tod?
Tod: Yeah?
Helen: Do you want me to make you breakfast?
Tod: No thanks, Julie will.
Helen: Great.
[then adds under her breath]
Helen: I'll get the fire extinguisher.

Freddy Benson: I didn't steal any money! She just saw me with another woman! You're French, you understand that!
Inspector Andre: To be with another woman, that is French. To be caught, that is American.

A poacher who shoots at rabbits may scare big game away.

Lawrence Jamieson

Fellas, last year I made 3 million dollars, but your 50 thousand was the most fun. Are you ready? Then let's go get 'em.

Janet Colgate

[in a childlike voice] Oh, Lawrence! This is the happiest day of my life! I think my testicles are dropping!

Freddy Benson

Lawrence Jamieson: Do you ever have a single thought that originates from above the waist?
Freddy Benson: No!

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