Popular Comedy Quotes
Lawrence Jamieson: Freddy, as a younger man, I was a sculptor, a painter, and a musician. There was just one problem: I wasn't very good. As a matter of fact, I was dreadful. I finally came to the frustrating conclusion that I had taste and style, but not talent. I knew my limitations. We all have our limitations, Freddy. Fortunately, I discovered that taste and style were commodities that people desired. Freddy, what I am saying is: know your limitations. You are a moron.
I've got culture coming out of my ass.Freddy Benson
May I take your trident, sir?Arthur
Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K.Ted
Now where are we, dude? Oh. It's my house.Ted
You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!Bill
Rufus: Hi. Welcome to the future: San Dimas, California --- 2688. And I'm telling you, it's great here. The air is clean, the water is clean, even the dirt is clean! Bowling averages are way up, minigolf scores are way down. And we have more excellent waterslides than any other planet we communicate with. I'm telling you, this place is great! But it almost wasn't. You see, 700 years ago, the Two Great Ones ran into a few problems. So now I have to travel back in time to help them out. If I should fail to keep these two along the correct path, the basis of our society will be endangered. Ah, but don't worry, it'll all make sense. I'm a professional.
It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."Mr. Ryan
Be excellent to each other. ...And... party on, dudes!Abraham Lincoln
Mr. Ryan: Who was Joan of Arc?
Bill: Noah's wife?
Bill: I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire!
Ted: And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan!
Bill, Ted: And we are... WYLD STALLYNS!
Rufus: Greetings, my excellent friends.
Ted: Do you know when the Mongols ruled China?
Rufus: Well, perhaps we could ask them.