Popular Comedy Quotes
Vivian Jaffe: Have you ever transcended space and time?
Albert Markovski: Yes. No. Uh, time, not space... No, I don't know what you're talking about.
Tommy Corn: [after being hit in the face with a rubber ball] Awesome! Can we do the ball thing everyday?
Caterine Vauban: Don't call it the ball thing. Call it pure being.
Tommy Corn: Okay... so can we do the pure being ball thing everyday?
I have no idea what you guys are talking about. I thought we were here to talk about petroleum.Tommy Corn
Tommy Corn: What are you doing tomorrow?
Albert Markovski: I was thinking about chaining myself to a bulldozer. Do you want to come?
Tommy Corn: What time?
Albert Markovski: Mmm, 1, 1:30.
Tommy Corn: Sounds good. Should I bring my own chains?
Albert Markovski: We always do.
Nobody sits like this rock sits. You rock, rock. The rock just sits and is. You show us how to just sit here and that's what we need.Albert Markovski
Dale Denton: How could he find us?
Saul: Umm, heat-seeking missiles, bloodhounds, foxes, barracudas.
Dale Denton: It's just... I'm kinda flabbergasted when you say things like that. It's weird.
Saul: Thank you.
Dale Denton: Not a compliment.
I just got a shipment of Pineapple Express, the dopest dope I've ever smoked. Smellll it. It's like... God's vagina.Saul
[Dale and Saul are running and Dale sees Saul jump into a dumpster]
Dale Denton: Whoa, whoa! I gotta get to a phone man. Come on!
Saul: No, no! I think we should stay.
Dale Denton: Why?
Saul: [pause] Cause I'm in the dumpster already.
Chloe: You remember that time you stole that monkey and put it in Rosenberg's dorm room?
Kumar Patel: Had I known that the monkey had AIDS I never would have done that.
Doug Butabi: You can take away our phones and you can take away our keys, but you can NOT take away our dreams.
Steve Butabi: Yeah, because we're, like, sleeping when we have them.
Doug Butabi: So anyways, I was standing there waiting to use the pay phone.
Steve Butabi: Yeah, he was, seriously.
Doug Butabi: And this guy who was on the phone, turns around and tips his hat like this.
Steve Butabi: And who do you think that guy was?
Doug Butabi: Emilio Estevez.
Steve Butabi: The Mighty Duck man, I swear to God, I was there.
Doug Butabi: Of course you were, you were the one who yelled the Breakfast Clubber's name.
Steve Butabi: I was like, "Emilio."
So... you guys wanna make out or what?Doug Butabi