[to Nelson] No matter how far you are from the throne, you'll always be number one in our hearts.

Doyle

[to Charlie] Ever heard of parents? We have parents who love us. You don't, 'cause you're an orphan

Roy

Prostitute: [trying to woo Roy] I'll give you a discount.
Roy: That's the most romantic thing a woman has ever said to me.

We come from America. You might have heard of it? We run your jerkwatter country.

Roy

Artie, Lin is not a killer. She's just a really, really, really hot, confused, Chinese girl.

Roy

Dawn Campbell: Why don't you like my spots?
Marty: Honey, this look is hurting you, and it's hurting Huckabees.
Dawn Campbell: This is myself.
Marty: Then you won't speak at the benefit as yourself. That is not Huckabees.
Dawn Campbell: I am still Huckabees.
Marty: Not in that bonnet.
Dawn Campbell: It's in my eyes, Marty. It's like that story of the cave.
Marty: What in God's name is happening to you? We trusted you. We took care of you. We made you into a national icon. Pulled you out of a mall. Eh, you've been given everything by Huckabees.
Dawn Campbell: Fuck-a-bees!

Tommy Corn: Ah, here he comes!
Albert Markovski: Oh, boy.
Tommy Corn: The man-poet who banged France's dark lady of philosophy. The parking lot crusader of truth... who turned his back on his other like a cold-blooded gangsta.

Wake up, pretty girl, the joke is on you!

Dawn Campbell

There's no such thing as nothing.

Bernard Jaffe

I thought we were a platonic trio, not some sick sex dance! This is bullshit!

Tommy Corn

Mr. Hooten: What happened to the cat, Albert?
Albert Markovski: How'd you know about my cat?
Mr. Hooten: The cat was killed by curiosity.
Albert Markovski: Oh, right, that cat.

How come we only ask ourselves the really big questions when something bad happens?

Tommy Corn

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