Jackie Moon: There'll be a lotta television cameras out there so we just gotta be tip top.
Clarence 'Coffee' Black: So what's the plan?
Jackie Moon: Brought a secret weapon. It's going to make us look extra cool on Tv.
Bee Bee Ellis: What the hell is that?
Jackie Moon: It's eyeliner dummy. Now who's first? Monix?
Monix: Oh yeah... Let me get a fresh Maxi-Pad outta my purse.

[a zombie kills an obese man] Poor fat bastard.


Taggart: I got it! I know how we can run everyone out of Rock Ridge.
Hedley Lamarr: How?
Taggart: We'll kill the first born male child in every household.
Hedley Lamarr: ...Too Jewish.

Well, that's my spiel, as the Jews say.

Elizabeth Halsey

You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.


T.S. Quint: How easily do you quit? Say you wind up with one of us?
Brodie: Hopefully not Rush Limbaugh over here.
Gil Hicks: Well, now, I'm not like Rush Limbaugh.
Brodie: Well, why not? Because he's fat? Now you have something against fat people, too?

Sheryl: What did he say?
Richard: I'll tell you when I regain consciousness.

Frank: It's true what they say: Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.

Well, I still jerk off manually.

The Dude

This is a... fuck!


What did I tell you the first time we met? I'm a Niners fan!


MacGruber: Don't worry, this is just like Nicaragua.
Vicki St. Elmo: I got shot in Nicaragua!
MacGruber: This is nothing like Nicaragua.

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