Mary Katherine Gallagher: So what really happened to your parents?
Slater: They were savagely ripped apart and eaten by a school of hammerhead sharks.
Mary Katherine Gallagher: That happens a lot.

[to Evian] Go drink a bottle of yourself!

Mary Katherine Gallagher

Father Ritley: Marym Katherine, what was that horrible thing you said to Sister Eileen?
Mary Katherine Gallagher: I told her to move her big white butt or I would cold cock her honky ass

Try grabbing the pebble from my hand grasshopper.

Phil Weston

Hmmm, what is that haunting aroma.

Phil Weston

You're my assistant. You're supposed to back me up and go get me juiceboxes whenever I want. Now go get me a juicebox!

Phil Weston

Hey, look who's here. Two of my favorite people, and Phil.

Buck Weston

For those who live between Broadway and Grandville, between the ages of 11 and 12 who are free on Sundays and Tuesdays, this is the big leagues.

Buck Weston

Jack Wyatt: How would you like to be on a television show?
Isabel Bigelow: An actress?
Jack Wyatt: Yeah, if *I* can act, *you* can act.
Book Soup Cafe Waitress: Amen.
Jack Wyatt: [to girl] You know what? I think those people over there just finished their plate of *hummus*.

Do you want the long version or the short version? And I have to warn you, the long version is in Aramaic.

Uncle Arthur

Jack Wyatt: [takes a drink of something Uncle Arthur has just made in the blender] This tastes awful!
Uncle Arthur: I know. I just like to blend.

Ritchie: Will you stop it? You're being the mayor of Pussytown!
Jack Wyatt: I don't want to be the mayor of Pussytown!
Ritchie: I want you to get out there and be the sheriff of Ballsville!

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