Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

STOP! Lemme tell something to joo... I know size can be daunting... but don't be afraid... I love you!


Barbara: I don't get it, I mean where all the other dead people in the world?
Adam: Maybe this is heaven.
Barbara: In heaven there wouldn't be dust everywhere.

I said, "Next," goddamn it! This is not the DMV!


Rickey: What kinda name is LeeJohn anyway?
LeeJohn: My mom had two boyfriends, Lee and John. She didn't know who my daddy was, so she named me LeeJohn.
Rickey: [after a pause] I dunno if I would have shared that.

Lee: Leave me alone. A man like you could never understand.
Carter: A man like me?
Lee: You are devoted only to yourself. You're ashamed of being a police officer, you dishonor your father's name!
Carter: You don't know nothing about my father.
Lee: You said your father is a legend.
Carter: My father WAS a legend. My father was killed making a routine traffic stop in broad daylight by some punk who didn't want no ticket. His partner was supposed to get out of the car and back him up but never did. My father was just as devoted as you, and now he's dead, and for what? A traffic ticket and some punk? You tell me, where's the honor in that?
Lee: You believe your father wasted his life, that he died for nothing?
Carter: Prove me wrong.

Marie: You don't have to smile.
Dan Burns: It's better than the alternative.

James Carter: Who died, Lee?
Lee: You!
James Carter: Detective Yu?
Lee: Not Yu, you!
James Carter: Who?
Lee: You!
James Carter: Who?
Lee: Do you understand the words that are a-coming out of my mouth?
James Carter: Don't nobody understand the words that are comin' out of your mouth

Kenny: What do you mean comin' up in my place and embarrassin' me in front of my wife, my child and my friends.
James Carter: You embarassin' yourself, man, you're a black man with a Chinese restaurant on Crenshaw.

Liz: Goodbye, Ed. Love you.
Ed: Cheers!
Shaun: I love you too, Ed.
Ed: Gaaayy!

Betsy Heron: Where's Cady?
Chip Heron: She went out.
Betsy Heron: She's grounded.
Chip Heron: Are they not supposed to be let out when they're grounded?

Kelly: If I'm gonna do this payment plan thing, I need a show of good faith, you know, something concrete.
Matthew: Well, like what?
Kelly: A blow job.
Matthew: Nah, I told you. She's not gonna do that anymore.
Kelly: Who said anything about her?

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