Popular Comedy Quotes
Moe: Mind your P's and Q's!
Curly: Don't forget to dot the I's!
Husband... negative. Children and a Labrador... negative. Tight little package... affirmative.Pat Healy
[to Max] I just wanted to say, I'm sorry I threw rocks at you that day.Dirk Calloway
Alison Scott: I'm sorry I told you to fuck your bong.
Ben Stone: It's okay... I didn't.
I'm not infectin the community. I got papers to prove Im not infected...Rickey
My leg wasn't bugging me too much, and the weather was so nice, and every day after school Lisa and I would go to her house to fuck and have a hot tub.Paul Metzler
Otter: Mandy, Mandy Pepperidge. I haven't seen you since we...
Mandy Pepperidge: Go away!
Otter: I'm sorry, I can only stay a minute. Can I buy you some lunch? Oh, you got your lunch. Well, how about some milk? Got your milk too. Can I just massage your thighs while you eat?
Mandy Pepperidge: Do I have to leave?
Otter: Is this any way to treat an intimate friend?
[to his pregnant wife] Is this a boy or an abortion?General Aladeen
Joe: What are you worried about? This job is going to last a long time.
Jerry: Well, suppose it doesn't?
Joe: Jerry, boy, why do you have to paint everything so black? Suppose you got hit by a truck. Suppose the stock market crashes. Suppose Mary Pickford divorces Douglas Fairbanks. Suppose the Dodgers leave Brooklyn!
Jerry: [Jerry notices the badge of an undercover agent at a nearby table] Joe...?
Joe: Suppose Lake Michigan overflows.
Jerry: Well, don't look now, but the whole town is underwater!
Marianne: Good morning, Fanny.
Fanny: Good morning, Miss Marianne.
Marianne: How did you find the silver? Was it all genuine?
Jenny Johnson: I gotta go to the bathroom.
Matt Saunders: You didn't just go to the bathroom?
Jenny Johnson: Are you keeping track? That's kind of creepy.
So I'm guessing your friend is the fat version of you.George Simmons