Isabel Bigelow: [after quitting/being fired] I can't just walk back in there now.
Jack Wyatt: Once you show up in a golf cart, believe me, all is forgiven. I've done it a lot of times.

Nina: We have to make him quit. If we get naked pictures of him and pictures of farm animals, I could photoshop them.
Maria Kelly: That's an excellent idea!

Isabel Bigelow: Oh, we're going to kiss aren't we?
Jack Wyatt: I thought so. But, thanks for ruining the moment Miss Narrator.

Jack Wyatt: So, were your parents in the witch business?
Isabel Bigelow: Both of them. My mother fixed the 1986 World Series.
Stu Robison: Someone make a note of that.

Isabel Bigelow: Your life is total instant gratification, Daddy.
Nigel Bigelow: It's fantastic, isn't it?
Isabel Bigelow: No. No, it's not. Because how do you know that anyone really loves you for yourself? It's like those rich men who are never sure why women sleep with them.
Nigel Bigelow: But women sleep with them, so it's not really a problem.

We got the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did we go right?

Max Bialystock

Shut up! I'm having a rhetorical conversation!

Max Bialystock

For once, I would love to see someone on that couch who's under eighty-five!

Max Bialystock

Today I have taken the Siegfried oath, and danced with a sailor, a cop and an extremely friendly Cherokee Indian.

Leo Bloom

You were right about one thing you are a CPA, a certified public asshole!

Leo Bloom

Broadway! I haven't been zis happy since we crushed Poland!

Franz Liebkind

The Führer wasn't a mousy little mama's boy! The Führer was BUTCH!

Franz Liebkind

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