Popular Comedy Quotes
Friend? Some of your foldin' money is come unstowed.Delmar O'Donnell
Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat... college.Alvy Singer
Sam: Daniel, I have a plan!
Daniel: Thank the Lord! Tell me.
Sam: Well, girls love musicians, don't they?
Sam: Even the really weird ones get girlfriends.
Daniel: That's right. Meatloaf definitely got laid at least once. For God's sake, Ringo Starr married a Bond girl!
Sam: [looks at him strangely] Whatever.
Daphne Wilder: Milly, honey, why are you so quiet?
Mae: 'Cause she's doing the oompa-loompa with two guys, mom.
Donkey: Shrek, you know how ogres have layers?
Shrek: Oh, aye?
Donkey: Well, donkeys don't have no layers. We wear our fear right there on our sleeves.
Shrek: But Donkey, donkeys don't wear sleeves.
Donkey: You know what I mean.
Shrek: You can't tell me you're afraid of heights?
Donkey: No, I'm just uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge, over a boiling lake of lava.
Stu Price: We're in a stolen cop car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back. What part of this is cool?
Alan Garner: I think the cop car part's pretty cool.
Phil Wenneck: Thank you Alan!
Larry: Ah yes, he was our fourth president, right?
Dory: Have you seen a clown fish swim by? It looks just like him.
[points at Nemo]
Nemo: But bigger.
Crab: Yeah, I saw him, Bluey, but I'm not telling you where he went, and there's no way you're gonna make me.
[Dory holds crab out of water]
Seagulls: Mine. Mine. Mine.
Crab: Ahh! All right! I'll talk! I'll talk! He went to the fishing grounds!
Father Ritley: Marym Katherine, what was that horrible thing you said to Sister Eileen?
Mary Katherine Gallagher: I told her to move her big white butt or I would cold cock her honky ass
Gertie: Did mommy like New York?
Ollie: Yeah, she loved it.
Gertie: Then I guess I will too.
Evan Baxter: The White House reception committee greeted the Prime Ribroast Minister and... I do the cha-cha like a sissy girl. I lik-a do da cha-cha. I'm sorry we seem to be having some technical difficulties. In other news
Evan Baxter: Ohhhh. My apologies. Bulla blah, bulla blabity bulla bla
[rapid unitelligible gibberish]
Evan Baxter: Blabity blab bulla blah
Evan Baxter: [continues for 35 seconds]
Evan Baxter: Kaa kaa poo poo. PEE PEE
Tai: Cher, you're a virgin?
Cher: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Dionne: Besides, the PC term is "Hymenally challenged."