Popular Comedy Quotes
Dupree: [during his job interview] I'm a people person, very personable. I absolutely insist on enjoying life. Not so task-oriented. Not a work horse. If you're looking for a Clydesdale I'm probably not your man. Like I don't live to work, it's more the other way around. I work to live. Incidentally, what's your policy on Columbus Day?
Interviewer: We work.
Dupree: Really? The guy discovered the new world. I'm afraid to even ask about Victory Over Japan Day.
Carl Peterson: [Carl is rubbing Molly's feet] You have the most beautiful toes, have I ever told you that? And I'm not even a foot guy.
Molly Peterson: Are you concentrating on the game? Or are you lusting at the feet of your soon-to-be wife?
Carl Peterson: Are you in love with my wife?
Dupree: How can you ask me that?
So what if he beat you with a candle stick. I bet it happens all the time!Dupree
I'm throwing seven different kinds of smoke!Dupree
Carl Peterson: What you did in the bathroom last night was disgusting.
Dupree: I know, I'm never eating buffalo wings again.
Gentlemen start your engines! It's gonna be a bumpy ride!Neil Patrick Harris
Kate Holbrook: What you eat, the baby eats. What you listen to, the baby listens to.
Oscar: If you listen to DMX, the baby comes out goin' "Ennngghhh!"
Are those sad tissues or happy tissues?Kemo
I just went from six to midnight.Matthew
Surfing Instructor: If you get bitten by a shark, you're not just gonna give up surfing, are you?
Peter Bretter: ...yeah, probably
Surfing Instructor: There's only one cure for pain like that.
Peter Bretter: What?
Surfing Instructor: Weed. Ya got any?
Peter Bretter: No.
Surfing Instructor: Well then let's just go surfing!