Popular Comedy Quotes
I read somewhere, the reason most relationships break down is that each partner is waiting for the other to fix it. But if you want somebody to stand by you always, you have to be willing to do the same for them, even when they're acting like an idiot.Joline
Why did G-Girl throw a shark at us?Hannah Lewis
[after revealing her secret to Matt]
Jenny Johnson: Say "I'd rather have a chainsaw shoved up my ass than tell."
Matt Saunders: Is that a possibility?
Jenny Johnson: Say it!
Matt Saunders: Ok. I'd rather have a chainsaw shoved up my ass than tell.
Jenny Johnson: [after breaking the bed while having sex] I'm sorry. I'll get you a new one.
Matt Saunders: A bed or a penis?
Jenny Johnson: Both.
Get away from my boyfriend, you crazy bitch!Hannah Lewis
Jenny Johnson: [seductively, walking toward him slowly] Matt Saunders, I'm afraid you've been a very evil boy. I think you need to be brought to justice.
Matt Saunders: [with a big grin on his face] Oh, yeah, I have been known to break a few rules here and there.
Jenny Johnson: [still seductive] Total, unequivocal justice.
Oh, no no. Don't tell me. You have invaded the female nation and spread your democracy.Vaughn Haige
Carla Dunkirk: You are headed for some serious trouble.
Matt Saunders: I hear you, Homegirl. I got it.
Go and hide out somewhere. San Diego, Tahiti, Utah. No! Not Utah. Utah sucks.Matt Saunders
Matt Saunders: I'm not going to help you kill her!
Professor Bedlam: Kill? I didn't say "kill"! I said "neutralize"! It's a neutral word... like Switzerland!
Matt Saunders: If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
Vaughn Haige: The ability to gratify myself orally.
Matt Saunders: Interesting. But wouldn't that be a little...
Matt Saunders, Vaughn Haige: Gay.
Vaughn Haige: No.
Matt Saunders: Yeah.
Vaughn Haige: Not at all. Think about it.
Matt Saunders: Really? It seems that way.
Matt Saunders: Wanna get a beer?
Professor Bedlam: Sure, let's do it.