Popular Comedy Quotes
You're looking at eons of repression getting purged. If only they'd let us jerk off.Loki
Let's find a nice seafood restaurant and eat some red salmon, I feel a powerful lust for red salmon.Dr. Gonzo
Years ago I wrote this short story about my Mother called "The Castrating Zionist"Isaac Davis
Walter: There's only one guy in this world who can save us! There's only one frog who can restore order, bring justice, and set things right!
Fozzie Bear: You are talking about Kermit, right?
That was a hell of a thing.Fred Kwan
Lili Von Shtupp: [singing] I'm tired of men always coming and going, going and coming and always too soon.
Lili Von Shtupp: Right, girls?
Miles Raymond: This weekend is not about me. It is about you. I'm gonna show you a good time. We're gonna drink a lot of good wine. We're gonna play some golf. We're gonna eat some great food and enjoy the scenery and we are going to send you off in style, mon frere.
Jack: And get your bone smooched.
Lee: You must take me to see Consul Han right away.
Carter: Man, just sit there and shut up! This ain't no democracy.
Lee: Yes, it is.
Carter: No, it ain't. This is the United States of James Carter. I'm the president, I'm the emperor, I'm the king. I'm Michael Jackson, you Tito. Your ass belongs to me.
Mike: Whoa, what happened to you? Did you fall into some mud or something?
Steve: Yeah, I did. And now I'm gonna be famous because I'm the only one in the world who knows where you can find WHITE mud.
I have received a call from Mark's dad saying the car wash was a success, and then I got a call from Chase's dad about the car wash being a great success, and then a call from Danni's dad saying we should have a car wash every weekend. So whatever she did, worked.Principal Wally Snur
Pete: You ruined my life!
[while being choked]
Ulysses Everett McGill: I do apologize about that Pete.
NOBODY steps on a church in my town.Dr. Peter Venkman