Popular Comedy Quotes
Bethany: Were they sent to Hell?
Metatron: Worse. Wisconsin. For the entire span of human history.
We've been going about this all wrong, this Mr. Stay Puft's okay, he's a sailor, he's in New York, we get this guy laid we won't have any trouble.Dr. Peter Venkman
Harry: What's her last name? I'll look it up.
Lloyd: You know, I don't really recall. Starts with an S! Let's see. Swim? Swammi? Slippy? Slappy? Swenson? Swanson?
Harry: Maybe it's on the briefcase.
Lloyd: Oh, yeah! It's right here.
[He reads the manufacturer's name, which is Samsonite]
Lloyd: Samsonite! I was way off! I knew it started with an S, though.
What's this day of rest shit? What's this bullshit? I don't fuckin' care! It don't matter to Jesus. But you're not foolin' me, man. You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus. This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man - ha ha! I would have fucked you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!Jesus Quintana
Where's home? It's gone! Someone stole it!Boog
Ah, devil ether. It makes you behave like the village drunkard in some early Irish novel. Total loss of all basic motor function. Blurred vision, no balance, numb tongue. The mind recoils in horror, unable to communicate with the spinal column. Which is interesting because you can actually watch yourself behaving in this terrible way, but you can't control it.Raoul Duke
Allow myself to introduce... myself!Austin Powers
Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them.Max Fischer
And this is the Buzz Lightyear aisle. Back in 1995, short-sighted retailers did not order enough dolls to meet demand.Barbie
Are those fricken' sharks with fricken' laser beams attached to their fricken' heads?Dr. Evil
Quentin Hapsburg: Do you gamble?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Every time I order out.
Do you like it when I eat your penguin ass?Charlie