Todd: You know, what I remember is ME having to drive YOU home from the beach that time, because you were too drunk!
Donny: Somebody else's dad would have had another guy drive home!
Todd: I was eight!
Donny: And you drove like a fucking champ too.

By Grabthar's hammer, by the sons of Worvan, you shall be avenged.

Sir Alexander Dane

NOBODY steps on a church in my town.

Dr. Peter Venkman

[to Bertram about his ability to see ghosts] Everybody needs something done and you're the only person who can see or hear us.

Frank Herlihy

I'm gonna turn Washington DC into a pile of ash.

Dieter Von Cunth

What is this fascination with truancy? What is it that gets inside of your heads? There are some teachers at this school who look the other way at truants. It's a little game you both play. They pretend they don't see you, and you pretend you don't ditch! Now, in the end, who pays the price? YOU!

Mr. Hand

Mr. Chapin: You look nervous...
kid in detention: Yes sir.
Mr. Chapin: You're sweating like a pig...
kid in detention: Yes sir.
Mr. Chapin: You're eyes are all... bloodshot
kid in detention: yes sir
Mr. Chapin: You've got pot, haven't you?
kid in detention: [looks down at pocket] Yes sir.
Mr. Chapin: I'm confiscating this.
Mr. Chapin: [walks away and sees Cheetos on another students desk] ... this... too.

Has anyone seen my bigger knife?

Ted Jones

Joe: [waves for Curt to come over] Get down! OK now, you got it? I'm staying here, you're on your own.
Curt Henderson: Wait a minute, wait a minute, Joe... wait a minute. What if he hears me?
Joe: Shhh. Listen, listen! Look at it this way. Now, you got three choices. One, you chicken out and in that case I let Ants tie you to the car and drag you around a little bit and you don't want that. Right?
Curt Henderson: No.
Joe: Two, you foul up and Holstein hears you and, well uh... you don't want that, right?
Curt Henderson: No, I don't.
Joe: Three, you are successful and you join the Pharaohs with a car coat and a blood initiation and all that, huh?
[Joe pats Curt on the shoulder and runs back to the car]
Curt Henderson: What? Wait a minute, wait a minute! What blood initiation?

Matthew: Oh my god, she's so hot.
Eli: What channel, dude?

It is only out of sheer morbid curiosity that I am allowing this freak show to continue.

Judge Stevens

Happy Gilmore: During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.

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