Tracy, we all have responsibilities in life. You may think owning the Hardy-Har joke shop is all drudgery; unwrapping dribble glasses, checking doggy doo, but I wuv it.


Got you, didn't I, you little sucker!


Harold: Officer, I'm glad you're here. You ever heard of that show, Doogie Houser, MD?
Officer Palumbo: Yeah, what great show. Doogie.
Harold: Neil Patrick Harris just stole my car.
Officer Palumbo: Hey! NPH wouldn't do that, 'ight!

Nicholas Angel: I didn't mean to upset the apple cart.
DS Andy Cartwright: Oh yeah, cause we all sell apples around here, don't we?
Sergeant Turner: You do sell apples don't you?
DS Andy Cartwright: Yeah, and raspberries.

If my parents figured out I brought you from the past, they'll bury me alive and dance on my grave!


Mr. Hall: So does anyone have any final thoughts on Cher's oration? Elton?
Elton: Yeah. I can't find my Cranberries CD. I gotta go to the quad before anyone snags it.

Then let's head on down into that cellar and carve ourselves a witch.


I better double bag it. I don't know where that girl been.

Kenny Fisher

[after Al fix his car] Look at that! You're a goddamn wizard, Al!

The Kid

This is Tom Hanks saying if you see me in person, please, leave me be.

Tom Hanks

I've always been kind of a pacifist. When I was a kid, my father told me, "Never hit anyone in anger, unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it." I don't know what kind of soldier I'm gonna make, but I want you guys to know that if we ever get into really heavy combat... I'll be right behind you guys. Every step of the way.

Russell Ziskey

This weed was the shiz-nittlebam snip-snap-sack.

Thurgood Jenkins

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