Popular Comedy Quotes
Warning. Assholes are closer than they appear.Ace Ventura
Phil: You ever do anything that doesn't end up in a standoff, Chow?
Mr. Chow: I'm an international criminal, it always ends like this.
Yo, bartender, Jobu needs a refill.Eddie Harris
Ken: See Jimmy, my wife was black, and I loved her very much. And in 1976, she was murdered by a white man. So where the fuck am I supposed to stand in all this blood and carnage?
Jimmy: Did they get the guy that did it?
Ken: A friend of mine got him.
Ray: Harry Waters got him.
Seemingly, the only actresses that can survive are the ones that show their cooter and I refuse to that. Excuse me, but I have a little dignity.Sarah Marshall
Janine Melnitz: You are so kind to take care of that man. You know, you're a real humanitarian.
Dr. Egon Spengler: I don't think he's human.
Michael: Alright. Uh, I talked to her; I got the scoop.
Cameron: What'd she say?
Michael: "Hates him with the fire of a thousand suns." That's a direct quote.
Patrick: Thanks Michael. That's very comforting of you.
Matthew: Why didn't you just tell me?
Danielle: Because I didn't want to! Because I loved the way you looked at me. You don't understand how hard...
Danielle: Fuck you.
Clinch: Where did you learn to shoot?
Albert: Your wife.
Edward: Oh, snap!
Barry: Rob, I'm telling you this for your own good, that's the worst fuckin' sweater I've ever seen, that's a Cosby sweater.
Barry: A Cosssssssby sweater. Did Laura let you leave the house like that?
I'm a cotton-headed ninny-muggins.Buddy
Ferrari: I know I lost my virginity at prom. How about you? When did you lose your virginity?
April: When I was 10.
Ferrari: Okay, moving on...