Popular Comedy Quotes
Kumar Patel: After all we've been through, I'm not sure we can trust our government anymore.
George W. Bush: Hey, I'm in the government and I don't trust it. Listen, you don't have to trust the government to be a good American. You just have to believe in your country.
Fuck you, donuts are awesome!Kumar Patel
Kumar Patel: So, you like, smoke weed, then throw people in jail for smoking weed? That's so hypocritical, dude.
George W. Bush: Do you like to give hand jobs?
Kumar Patel: Uh, no.
George W. Bush: Do you like to get hand jobs?
Kumar Patel: Well, yeah!
George W. Bush: That makes you a fuckin' hypocriticizer too!
Let me just say that if God was a city planner he would not put a playground next to a sewage system!Darald
Angie Ostrowiski: [Kate is vogueing on the dance floor] Stop framing your face!
Kate Holbrook: I think it's good!
Angie Ostrowiski: It's not.
Angie Ostrowiski: Is that what you're wearing?
Kate Holbrook: We *are* going to a nightclub.
Siegfried: How do I know you're not from CONTROL?
Maxwell Smart: If I were from CONTROL, you'd already be dead.
Siegfried: If you were from CONTROL, YOU'D already be dead.
Maxwell Smart: Neither of us is dead, so I'm obviously not from CONTROL.
Shtarker: That actually makes sense.
Maxwell Smart: [after he gets recruited as a new agent] I request a cone of silence.
Maxwell Smart: [he doesn't press the button hard enough so everyone can hear him] Oh, I'm so happy! I'm so happy! This is the best day of my life!
Lloyd: Dude, you didn't press the button hard enough...
Maxwell Smart: Right.
Jack Fuller: [standing outside the bathroom door] Can you hurry up?
Joy McNally: [from inside the bathroom, taking her time] Almost done!
[walks into the kitchen to find Jack pissing in their sink]
Jack Fuller: Oh yeah, this is really happening. Oh, and it's your day for dishes.
Jack Fuller: How hard can it be?
Joy McNally: I know how hard it isn't.
Jack Fuller Sr.: You're like a son to me.
Jack Fuller: Dad, I am your son.
I just wanna junk-punch him in his man business.Tipper