Popular Comedy Quotes
You have Christ between your thighs... only with a shorter beard.Darald
He turned down a blow job from his ex-girlfriend. You know what that does to a man? It's called blue balls. He's like Gandhi! But better - he likes puppets!Dwayne the Bartender
You kinda look like a shiny mermaid.Kevin
Kevin: Wait, what are those?
Kevin: Are those?
Kevin: Are they bridesmaid dresses?
Jane: This is none of your business!
Kevin: Ohhh... good God. What, you kept them all? You have a whole closet full, why?
Jane: I have a lot of friends and I like to keep them.
Kevin: Right. Well, that makes complete sense because they're... beautiful.
Jane: Some of them are not that bad.
Kevin: Not that bad? I'd like to see one of them that's not that bad.
[swings from a rope and drops into the water]
Lee Carter: Yeah! Keep swimming to the other side!
Will: [floundering in the water] I can't swim.
Lee Carter: ...What d'you mean you can't swim?
Lee Carter: [watches Will sink beneath the water] ... Oh shit!
Rob: Do you want to come back to my...
Kate Holbrook: Yes. Absolutely!
Rob: Wow. Okay! Just to be clear, I was going to say my place...
Kate Holbrook: Uh-huh. I'm 37. I know how this works.
Bitch, I don't know your life!Angie Ostrowiski
Congratulations, Kate. I want to reward you with five minutes of uninterrupted eye contact.Barry
[as she enters the hospital, about to go into labor] It feels like I'm shitting a knife!Angie Ostrowiski
Kate Holbrook: I overreacted earlier. I'm sorry...
Angie Ostrowiski: I'm sorry I farted into your purse...
[giggling] My avitar's dressed like a hooker!Kate Holbrook
Can I just spray a little pam down there right before the baby comes out?Angie Ostrowiski