Popular Comedy Quotes
What the? Oh Richard you're a riot. Stop the car. Son of a. What the hell's gotten into you? My thing got stuck in my zipper and I got piss all over my pants!Tommy
Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?Heather Chandler
I have received a call from Mark's dad saying the car wash was a success, and then I got a call from Chase's dad about the car wash being a great success, and then a call from Danni's dad saying we should have a car wash every weekend. So whatever she did, worked.Principal Wally Snur
Inigo Montoya: I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?
Westley: Do you always begin conversations this way?
Drew: I'm thinking about taking that new chick from Logistics. If things go right I might be showing her my O-face. You know: Oh. Oh.
You know, we've known each other way back since, like... yesterday, I think it was.Chicken Joe
I've always been kind of a pacifist. When I was a kid, my father told me, "Never hit anyone in anger, unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it." I don't know what kind of soldier I'm gonna make, but I want you guys to know that if we ever get into really heavy combat... I'll be right behind you guys. Every step of the way.Russell Ziskey
Regina: Why don't I know you?
Cady: I'm new. I just moved here from Africa.
Cady: I used to be home-schooled.
Regina: Wait... what?
Cady: My mom taught me at home...
Regina: No, I know what home-school is, I'm not retarded! So you've actually never been to a real school before? Shut up! Shut up!
Cady: I didn't say anything.
President Merkin Muffley: How is it possible for this thing to be triggered automatically and at the same time impossible to untrigger?
Dr. Strangelove: Mr. President, it is not only possible, it is essential. That is the whole idea of this machine, you know. Deterrence is the art of producing in the mind of the enemy... the FEAR to attack. And so, because of the automated and irrevocable decision-making process which rules out human meddling, the Doomsday machine is terrifying and simple to understand... and completely credible and convincing.
I want to be your husband and I want you to be my wife... so bad... so... Will you marry me?Jeremy
Mitch Burns: I swear, the minute I saw her I felt like I was in the room with an angel.
Dan Burns: Yeah, well, this corn is an angel.
Gene: You are ready to be taught the new way.
Coop: Will you teach me about this - what is it? A new way?